SELLER: Jermaine Dupri
LOCATION: Whitewater Trail, Atlanta, GA
PRICE: $1,500,000
SIZE: 5,523 square feet, 5 bedrooms, 5 full and 2 half bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: An architectural gem nestled on a private estate lot this five bedroom five full bath, features gorgeous window-scapes. Master w/ terrace level, one full bar, two wet bars, recreational room, superb functionality and an artistic sensibility beyond compare. Open flowing plan, three fireplaces, wall to wall carpet, finished terrace, private backyard, stone tile pool, hot tub and three car garage. The exquisite estate represents Buckhead distinction.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Music mogul and Janet Jackson love muffin Jermaine Dupri has listed his Atlanta area house for $1,500,000. Located on Whitewater Trail NW in the swanky and suburban neighborhood of Buckhead, the 2.8 acre estate features a 5,523 square foot house that features 5 bedrooms and 7 terlits spread over 5 full and 2 half bathrooms. Other features include a three car garage, sauna, three bars (because it’s best never to be too far from a booze cabinet), a full and finished basement, vaulted ceilings, and “an artistic sensibility beyond compare,” whatever that means.

Your Mama really does not know much about the Atlanta real estate market so we haven’t a clue as to whether this house is well priced or if it’s typical for the Buckhead area. However, we are not much impressed with Mister Dupri’s digs, and apparently neither was he because he’s already moved out. It is Your Mama’s humble and meaningless opinion that the paver stone front drive with it’s big ol’ porte-cochere looks like a damn Holiday Inn or some other middle brow motel, and do not even get us started on that tiled entrance hall with that upsetting built in planter which looks a little too much like Your Mama’s dentist’s office. And children, Your Mama hates the dentist office.

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Moving into the low ceilinged and beige carpeted living room we see that Mister Dupree and his team of “decorators” appear to have been aiming for that special combination of funeral parlor meets tawdry VIP section of a cheap strip club. Dear Jeezis in heaven have mercy on our bitter and snarky soul, but the last time Your Mama saw flower arrangements like that we were burying our beloved Granny in rural funeral home with blood red carpet, may she rest in peace. Word of advice for all you pee-pohl who execute extreme feats of elaborate drapery swagging: Stop it! Stop it right now! Are you trying to kill Your Mama with all that disturbing and fringed fabric swaggery? Seriously folks, stop it because our delicate constitution simply can not bear it.

Out back, curved stairs with miles of pipe railing lead to a swimming pool and spa complex with heaps and piles of stacked stone walls. Here’s the best part though, according to the listing for Mister Dupri’s property, the terrace is “finished,” a quality Your Mama imagines most people look for in terraces.

In truth, most of what’s offensive to Your Mama’s delicate decorating sensibilities can easily be changed by a new owner, a sledge hammer, a good architect and an even better nice gay decorator. However, we are concerned that Mister Dupri has simply moved on to perpetrate similarly distressing design crimes in whatever home to which he has moved.

Since he’s clearly not living up in this crib, Mister Dupri just might be shacked up with Miss Jackson If Your Nasty at her 34th floor condominium at the Trump International Hotel & Tower in New York City. But more likely he’s bedding down in the 4 bedroom he recently leased at the Time Warner Center which is basically across the street from Miz Jackson’s luxury building. Do these two live in sin? Anyone know?

Property records show that Mister Dupri also owns several other Atlanta area properties including a 7,126 square foot house in Fairburn, GA, a residential building lot in Atlanta, and a 2,936 square foot house in Stockbridge, GA. It’s unclear to Your Mama if Mister Dupri occupies any of these properties himself.