BUYER: Conan O’Brien
LOCATION: Tigertail Road, Brentwood, CA
PRICE: $10,750,000 (sale)
SIZE: 6 bedrooms, 8.5 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: Truly unique Traditional gated compound offers formality, romance & every amenity. Gracious public rms, 10 ft ceilings, 6 fireplaces, 6 en suite bedrooms inc guest suite, sybaritic master w/sitting, balcony, dual baths, huge fitted closets, screening room, 1500 bottle wine rm, paneled library w/ bar, 60 ft veranda, pl, spa, pavilion w/ fireplace, exterior kitchen & magical canyon views–all just completed on one of Brentwood’s most prestigious streets.
YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Well, god bless celebrity real estate high priestess Ruth Ryon at the Los Angeles Times. For weeks Your Mama and our team of (usually crack) tipsters and informants have struggled to sort out the buyer of this Brentwood property on posh Tigertail Road. At first we thought maybe it was Britney Spears, who was rumored to have toured this property just before it went into escrow. But of course, the poor, dissembling Miz Spears sometimes has a tough time finding her own house in Bev Hills and her leased Malee-bee mansion, so we figured she wouldn’t really be in the market for a third house she’d not likely be able to locate without the assistance of her paprazzi pals.
Then we thought it might be Tobey Maguire. It had also been whispered to Your Mama that Spidey Maguire, who sold his bachelor pad on Thrasher Avenue last year for $10,800,000, was shopping around Brentwood for a new estate and it was Your Mama’s humble and meaningless opinion that this one just might fit the young family’s needs. Besides, the Maguire/Meyers can’t stay shacked up in Leo DiCaprio’s house forever. No babies, they’re not squatting with Mister DiCap and whatever moe-dell he’s fornicating with in that fortress like remodel in the Bird Streets, but rather in the other DiCap owned house on Oriole Way.
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A few other names came through the gossip grapevine, but lo and behold, according to Miz Ryon’s most recent Hot Properties column, the buyer is none other than the red-headed late night talk show boy wonder Conan O’Brien. Given that Mister O’Brien is set to take over The Tonight Show in 2009, it makes perfect sense he’d want to set down some real estate roots in Los Angeles, but Your Mama confesses that Mister O’Brien was not on our short, long or even our stab in the dark list of potential buyers.
Anyhoo, according to listing information Mister O’Brien and his wifey Liza’s new West Coast crib features 6 bedrooms, each with it’s own private terlit, a “sybaritic” master suite with sitting room, private balcony, large, fitted closest, and two terlits so the Mister and Missus can poop privately and at the same time.
The small packet of information we received from our Fairy Godmother in Brentwood does not include the square footage of the obviously huge and newly built New England Style mansion. However, it does include the purchase price of $10,750,000. The children will note that the purchase price is MORE than the asking price of $10,495,000. Perhaps the sagging market has yet to affect the small pool of buyers lucky enough to have seriously deep pockets.
We don’t love the Brentwood location. (That is not a complaint about or snipe at Brentwood per se, just a personal preference, so don’t all you Brentwood lovers send Your Mama a thousand emails telling us we don’t know shit and would be lucky to live in Brentwood and all that crap.) Nor are are we thrilled about spending more than ten million clams to see the glossy black garage doors as the primary feature on the admittedly wonky front facade. And, clearly, the photos show the house dressed up in a cymbals crashing, choir singing sort of staged. (Please note the disturbing and ant inviting basket of fortune cookies in the media room).
None the less, Your Mama is a big fan of Mister O’Brien’s new digs. Classy. Dignified. Restrained. We know already that some of you children are going to whine about how you like your East Coast traditionals to be on the East Coast, and that builders should be strung up by their private parts for building out of vernacular style houses in sunny Southern California. But, come on! Think about that for a moment before you get all architecturally righteous on Your Mama. Do you really think EVERY damn house in California should be a low slung Cliff May type house, a tile-roofed adobe, or a glass walled modern? Because that’s just silly kids. By those rather limited rules, Mister Philip Johnson ought to have kept his iconic Glass House out of Connecticut and Your Mama does not think any of you East Coast architectural snobs would declare that kind of sacrilege, would you?
But we digress…Additional features in the new O’Brien house are six fireplaces, a speck-tack-u-ler paneled library, a 1,500 bottle wine cellar, a 60 foot booze-friendly veranda stretched gracefully across the back of the house that overlooks the heated swimming pool, expansive decking with a pavilion that hangs over the wooded canyon. That little pavilion, by the way, includes an outdoor kitchen and fireplace where Your Mama can happily imagine lounging with our long bodied bitches Linda and Beverly while the Dr. Cooter works the wild salmon and fresh asparagus on the barbecue.
Inside we find soaring white walls and faboo fenestration in the living room, enviable 10 foot ceilings elsewhere, luscious ebonized wood floors, enough fireplaces to keep the loggers logging the forests of Oregon for years to come, and room after room with simple but impressive custom wainscoting. Your Mama can only hope that Missus Liza O’Brien will hire a nice gay decorator to get in there and do up this place in a proper fashion once all the lovely white slip covered sofas owned by the staging company have been removed from the premises. (Your Mama always loves a white slip covered sofa, we can’t help it.)
Although this will not be the first time Mister O’Brien makes a nest in Los Angeles, he currently lives in New York City at The Majestic on Central Park West where he owns no less than three contiguous apartments including an 18th floor corner penthouse with three terraces that he purchased in late 2006 and was reported to have been on the market for $9,950,000.
Now children, have at it…pick the staging apart, complain about the price, moan over the facade. But do Your Mama a favor and at least try to see the forest though the trees on this one because, despite the unfortunate garage situation, this is a big ass house that even Your Mama and the Dr. Cooter could call home.