SELLER: Brett Favre
LOCATION: Shady Lane, Ashwaubenon, WI
PRICE: $475,000
SIZE: 3,000 square feet (approx.), 4 bedrooms, 3 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: Outstanding spacious ranch home on a beautiful landscaped lot. 4 bedrooms, 3 full baths and 1st floor laundry. Enjoy the formal dining room w/ FP & wet bar. Large 3+ stall garage.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: When we first received word from the Wisconsin Whisperer about some person named Brett Favre listing his house in some place called Ashwaubenon, Wisconsin for $475,000 we asked, “Who?” and, “Where” and, “How in the devil’s name does one pronounce that?”

Fortunately Your Mama has unfettered access to the world wide interweb where we learned that Mister Favre is a professional pigskinner who currently quarterbacks for the New York Jets. However, from 1992-2007 he strapped on a helmet and slipped into those practically see through petal pushers that football dudes wear while working for the Green Bay Packers. That explains both why Mister Favre both owns and is selling a house in suburban Green Bay, Wisconsin.

In addition to the covert communications of the Wisconsin Whisperer, we also located a recent article on the website for local boob-toob channel WISN that announced the listing of Mister and Missus Favre’s approximately 3,000 square foot house.

Property records show that Mister and Missus Favre purchased their rather ordinary ranch style residence in a development of like-minded homes in August of 2005 for $416,000.

Listing information shows the brick-faced house includes 4 bedrooms, 3 bathrooms and a concrete driveway leading to the generously sized 3+ car garage. Adjacent to the columned entrance hall are a formal living room that looks like it’s never been sat in and a pink painted dining room with a wet bar conveniently located for keeping the dinner guests all boozed up.

The decent sized kitchen includes a small prep island, double ovens and four stools for the kiddies. In addition to the beige and burgundy family room, the basement has been finished and converted into a windowless beige and blue television lounge. The master bedroom, with it’s beige carpeting, has been all done up and did over in brown and a silvery satin blue color and the master bath has a separate shower and spa tub.

The backyard has a large stretch of green lawn and a small pavered patio tucked up into the corner of the house. There does not appear to be any fencing between the properties, a very un-private situation we’ve noticed in the mid-west before, but one Your Mama and the Dr. Cooter do not care for. Who wants their neighbors being able to watch as you flip burgers and pick your bathing suit out of your butt? Not us.

Normally we live and breath by our beloved Aunt Jennie’s signature statement, “If you don’t have anything nice to say, well then, set next to me hunny.” And in this case we could certainly blather on about the avocado colored fabric on the faux-Louis’ in the formal living room and we could whine until we’re hoarse about that acid green faux finish paint treatment in the kitchen. We could also piss and moan about the Home Despot-style brass fixtures in the master bathroom and we could wonder why that silver chest at the foot of the bed appears to be set on a bunch of damn bricks. And we could go a blue streak until next week about how mortified and terrified we are of finished basement spaces. But, we’re not going to. Why? Well children, because wouldn’t it be just a little too much like kicking a homeless person or beating a dead horse or driving a car right off a cliff? Do you know what we’re saying?

Yes, we think you do.

And P.S., No offense to all the Wisconsinites, but we never did figure out how to pronounce Ashwaubenon properly.