SELLER: Denny Hamlin
LOCATION: Peninsula Point Drive, Cornelius, NC
PRICE: $4,900,000
SIZE: 9,969 square feet (as per assessor), 5 bedrooms, 6 full and 2 half bathrooms

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Late last week Your Mama received a lovely little communique from someone we’ll call Loquacious Louis who informed us that Nascar driver Denny Hamlin was selling his big house on the shores of Lake Norman in tiny Cornelius, North Carolina.

As the children might imagine, we shrieked, “Denny whooo? Cor-neelee where?”

At the risk of sounding like a cultural snob (which we probably are), Your Mama freely and without a soupçon of shame admits that we know as much about Nascar and the Daytona 500 as we suspect most Nascar fans know about German social realist painter Neo Rauch. However, thanks to the pleasantly patient and Nascar knowledgeable Loquacious Louis and a few independent Blackle searches on the interweb, Your Mama now understands that 27 year old Denny Hamlin is a Nascar fee-nom who careens around the race track in a supped up Toyota emblazoned with the FedEx logo and the number eleven. Further research also revealed that young Mister Hamlin earns boo-coo bucks driving his super-charged Ty-ota around in circles during high octane racing events with interesting names like the Budweiser Shootout, the Food City 500 and the Ford 400.

It’s all Greek to Your Mama, natch, but what we do understand is that Nascar wunderkin and one-time Paris Hilton prey Denny Hamlin recently put his 9,669 square foot (as per assessor) lake side mansion in The Peninsula on the market with an asking price of $4,900,000. For the children too lazy to map the location of Cornelius, the itty bitty hamlet sits on the shores of scenic Lake Norman about 20 miles due north of really religious Charlotte, North Carolina, a city often referred to as “The City of Churches” and well known as the birth place of presidential pastor Billy Graham. Of course, that ain’t all Charlotte is known for, but that’s what jumps out for Your Mama.

Anyhoo, property records show that fiercely fast (and reportedly single) Mister Hamlin purchased his family sized mansion just two years ago, in September of 2006, for $3,400,000. According to Loquacious Louis, Mister Hamlin claims to have dumped another million into renovatin‘ and decoratin‘ his love shack, a process that appears to have included putting up a plasma teevee on just about every flat wall in the damn house including the too sparsely furnished “great room” (a term loathed by Your Mama but used by the young and blond female listing agent) as well as turning the more informal entertainment areas into spaces that mights easily be mistaken for one of the campy high roller suites at the Palms in Las Vegas.

Listing information indicates that Mister Hamlin’s bachelor pad includes 5 bedrooms and 6 full and 2 half bathrooms which means, of course, that Mister Hamlin can use a different terlit each day of the week and still have one to spare. It also means he spends considerable coin on a gurl whose only responsibility is scrubbing the terlits after Mister Hamlin’s race car driver buddies come over for barbecue and baked beans.

Your Mama isn’t the least bit soo-prised to see that Mister Hamlin had the media room done over and did up with black leather recliners or that he installed a disco-like home gym. And really, appalled as we may be with the glossy black tile floor, we not even remotely startled by the blood red billiard room…the man is a 27 years old race car driver and not a nice gay decorator after all. However, we do confess that we would never have imagined this Nascar whippersnapper to have a foul and faux Versace four poster bed, a bathroom built almost entirely of 1980s style glass blocks or a dining room with a crazy crystal chandelier and ghastly gold upholstered chairs that look like they belong in the meticulously maintained home of a blue blooded blue hair who hasn’t called her nice gay decorator in 20 years or more. Sorry Charlies, but there just isn’t anything about this room that says 27 year old racing stud. Additional rooms and interior amenities include the sparsely furnished and above mentioned “great room,” a strangely feminine kitchen (if there’s such a thing), a large family room, a wine cellar, at least 5 fireplaces and 4,300+ square feet of finished basement space that includes several exuberantly designed entertainment spaces and built in bars.

Outdoor amenities at the gated estate include a large veranda with grandiose curving stairways leading down to the free form swimming pool that over looks Lake Norman beyond, a hot tub, outdoor fireplace, lawns that slope down to a private and sandy beach on the lake shore, a half court basketball court and a boat house and long dock with a boat lift.

It will come as no surprise to the children, that there is really very little about this house that Your Mama will cop to liking. This just isn’t our real estate cup of tea. But since we always try to say something nice we’ll allow that the glass tear drop chandelier over the pool table is quite striking and the view from the back of the house towards the lake is stunning. Although we’d probably commit suicide from the high heating and cooling bills of this house and we’d likely wind up with a cramp from walking from one end of the house to the other, we can understand why rich people in Charlotte are drawn to the shores of Lake Norman…it’s really very beautiful, ain’t it?

We understand from Loquacious Louis (and confirmed with property records) that The Peninsula community in Cornelius, where Mister Hamlin’s house is located, is filled to the gills with Nascar types such as Rusty Wallace, Ricky Rudd, Robby Gordon, and Menards home supply heir and driver Paul Menard. Of course, Your Mama has never heard of these men, but we understand they are all big names on the racing circuit.

The well to do folks who dwell in the 725+ acre upscale community of The Peninsula can choose to join one of the two private clubs where memberships gives them access to the 18-hole Rees Jones designed golf course, swim and tennis centers, boat slips for parking their big boats, and the smug satisfaction of hobnobbing with some of Nascar’s elite drivers at the clubhouse and yacht club. According to Loquacious Louis (but not independently confirmed) residents must also cough up an estimated (and relatively reasonable) $1,100 per year for maintenance of common areas in The Peninsula community.

Your Mama can’t fathom why Mister Hamlin would choose to sell his house just two years after buying and decorating the shit out of the place, but perhaps–and we speculate here children, speck-u-late–he’s realized 14,000 square feet of interior space is simply too big for one 27 year old man or maybe that a young and single racing super star might be better off living in a community where he can meet and greet with a few 20-something year old big breasted babes rather than sit around Saturday nights with Muffy and Stuffy at the Yacht Club. But then again, maybe he just wants to make a million smackers turning over the property.