SELLERS: Billy Baldwin and Chynna Phillips
LOCATION: Chestnut Ridge Road, Bedford Corners, NY
PRICE: $3,895,000
SIZE: 6,400 square feet (approx.), 5 bedrooms, 7 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: Long wooded driveway leads to 19th cent grand Carriage House. Exquisitely renovated. Generously proportioned floorplan defined by extensive millwork. Both LR (w/ fpl) & formal DR offer french drs to pergols-covered stone terr, gourmet EIK w/ top of the line appl, FR, onyx-topped wet bar & brass sink, beautiful glass-encl Conservatory, Pool/pool house, 4+ acres of beautifully landscaed property w/ speciman trees, stonework, rock outcroppings.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Although MTV Movie Award winning ack-tor Billy Baldwin has reportedly lived in the sleepy and uppity bedroom community of Bedford Hills, NY since 1995, the last Your Mama heard about this real estate doings he was dropping about fourteen grand a month to lease a very pretty house on S. Spaulding Drive in Bev Hills. See children, Mister Baldwin needed a Tinseltown crib in which to live while filming his role on boob-toob spoof Dirty Sexy Money as a very married politician with a secret tranny gurlfriend expertly played by gorgeously long legged actress (and real live tranny) Candis Cayne.

Now we hear from Aerialist Dave that Mister Baldwin and his wifey Chynna Phillips–a gal whom all the children will surely recall as the skinny blond gurl from 1990s sugar saccharine pop trio Wilson Phillips–have listed their 4.36 acre estate in Bedford Corners, NY with an asking price of $3,895,000. Records and reports reveal the country living couple paid $3,350,000 for the property in February of 2005.

Listing information indicates the main house was built way back in 1890 and includes 5 bedrooms and 7 terlits. Presumably this bed to bath ratio means that every bedrooms has its own private pooper, which Your Mama always finds appealing. The central entrance hall is both large enough to receive to receive multiple dinner guests at one time and to impress the pimple faced pizza delivery boy. The generously proportioned living room includes a fireplace and at first glance what appears to be a really nice row of three french doors leading to a terrace overlooking a rolling landscape. However, a second look reveals that the doors are not set center on the wall which, unfortunately, creates a cattywompus and visually distressing situation.

The dining room with it’s faux-Chippendale style table and chairs looks like the sort of place where no one ever eats except on Thanksgiving and a large green den looks like where the Baldwin family probably gathers to watch the boob-toob and play Wii. This is another room that at first glance we sort of liked. Then that heavily patterned carpeting with the rose motif came into focus and Your Mama was mor-ti-fied. That might be okay in the 10-room Park Avenue apartment owned by a lacquer haired octogenarian, but we just don’t think it’s a very prudent choice for a young family. It’s just so darn old lady.

Clearly many thousands of dollars was spent on high grade stainless steel appliances for the large kitchen and in fact there are separate SubZero refrigerator and freezer, an excellent feature for a growing family of five. However, Your Mama just cringes and cries like a baby over this kind of caucky brown raised panel cabinetry that looks like it’s trying desperately to not look like a damn kitchen. And those massive corbels with the carved grape clusters on the center island just make Your Mama wanna puke. Sorry, but they do.

We recognize that this traditional style house and large leafy property will likely appeal to a lot of people. Traditional designs often do. It is indeed a very family friendly environment where all the well educated, well employed and well dressed residents are expected to keep up their lawns and make nice-nice over cocktails with the neighbors even if they can’t stand the smell of each other.

However, Your Mama does not care for the Westchester suburbs, which for the geographically challenged, sit just north of New York City. It’s a personal thing. It’s not that we can not or do not understand why rich people want to raise up their kids in such a bucolic and upscale environment, and it’s not that we don’t think the rolling landscape isn’t jaw droppingly beautiful, terrifically expensive and home to loads of rich and famous folks such as domestic diva and ex-con Martha Stewart and supah-fine 5-time Oscar nominated (always a bridesmaid, never a bride) actress Glenn Close. The posh suburbs are simply not our real estate cup of tea. Unfortunately Your Mama has read entirely too many gloriously bleak and deliciously depressing John Cheever short stories to make the notion of riding a commuter train from Mt. Kisco to Grand Central Station every day seem anything but soul crushing and suicide inducing.

Once upon a time not so long ago there was a strong and solid market among Wall Street types for this kind of traditional multi-million dollar estate. With the rather tenuous financial situation continuing to scare the buhjeezis out of all the bankers in Manhattan, Your Mama has to wonder if there are so many Wall Street huzbands willing and able to cough up nearly four million clams for all these expensive to buy and costly to maintain houses in quietly swank towns that dot the hills of Westchester County.