Alex Lifeson In a Rush to Sell His Hoose

SELLER: Alex Lifeson
LOCATION: Chestnut Park Road, Toronto, Ontario, Canada
PRICE: $5,699,000 (Canadian)
SIZE: 6 bedrooms, 7 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: …Over 6,000 sq. ft. of beautifully fin space lends itself to elegant & comfortable living. Entertaining spaces are stylishly fin w/ sophisticated accents. Fab fpls. on 4 lvls. 6 bdrms are spacious. A detached 3 car grg w/ 2nd lvl living/studio space accessible fr frdn. A rare circular drive creates a dramatic entrance.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Back in the 1970s, Your Mama, Sister Woman, and cuzzins Lois and Toddaroohoo used sit around Aunt Jennie’s colossal console stereo and ride around in Your Mama’s Mama’s souped up Cutlass listening to 8-track tapes of Linda Ronstadt, Barry Manilow and Donna Summer with a bit of the Bay City Rollers tossed in for modern measure. In the 1980s, like so many other confused and angst ridden small town teens, Your Mama fell backwards into the post-Punk and New Romantic music scenes of the The Psychedelic Furs, Softcell and Culture Club. Jeezis, remember those days, kids? So when we first received word from Canadian Jon that a man named Alex Lifeson had put his big hoose in a hoity toity area of Toronto on the market, we confess, we didn’t have a clue who Mister Lifeson is or what he does that qualifies him as a noteworthy individual.

So, as we always do, Your Mama turned to the internets where we learned Mister Lifeson is the founder and lead guitarist for Rush, a venerable and beloved prog-rock band that defines a particular genre of music that Your Mama never understood nor particularly liked. Listen puppies, we’re not dogging Rush or in any way throwing shade on their talents, longevity or considerable successes. We’re simply saying, that heavy duty rock (or “prog-rock,” whatever that is) was not, is not and will never be Your Mama’s cup of musical tea.

Anyhoo, according to listing information and a recent report in The Globe and Mail, Mister Lifeson’s three story and (approx.) 6,000 square foot brick built hoose stands on Chestnut Park Road in a leafy and posh part of Toronto called Rosedale. Your Mama feels comfortable enough with the children to tell them that we are entirely ignorant of Toronto’s lay of the land so we quickly consulted a Canadian cohort we’ll call The Fiddler who tells us that ritzy Rosedale sits very near downtown Toronto, has lots of swanky shops that line Yonge Street, and is chock full of Canadian rich and famous folks like master thespian Eugene Levy, billionaires Gerry Schwartz and Heather Reisman, comedienne Andrea Martin and fellow Rushian Geddy Lee. Several years ago, troubled American actor Kiefer Sutherland and his wifey Kelly very publicly sold their house in the Crescent Park section of Rosedale during their long estrangement (and subsequent deevorce).

Since Your Mama hasn’t any idea how to look up Canadian property records, we have to rely on The Globe and Mail’s report that 54 year old Mister Lifeson and his wifey Charlene have owned their crib with the frat hoose-like facade for (about) ten years. We don’t know how much moolah the couple paid for their place, but it is currently listed at $5,699,000 (Canadian), which our bejeweled abacus informs Your Mama is about the same as $5,624,000 American dollars.

Listing information indicates the hoose includes 6 bedrooms and 7 bathrooms spread over three floors of living space as well as a finished basement that contains a games room. The main living level features an impressive entrance gallery and stair hall, living and dining rooms with wacky wallpaper and elaborate and upsetting window treatments, a library, family room and a large eat in kitchen with a large (and possibly dangerous) pot rack that listing information reveals is included in the sale.

Other than the zany zebra print rug paired with the kooky 1980s red-violet chaise lounge with the poppy orange throw pillows in the sitting room of the master bedroom, there’s really little in terms of interior day-core that Your Mama cares for…it’s just too traditional, fussy and furniture showroom-ish for our personal taste. None the less we find the facade stately, the public rooms nicely proportioned, and we adore the detached carriage hoose/garage with living space above which is perfect for stashing staff and/or guests that don’t recognize that a three week visit is simply too long and intrusive to be warrant being hoosed in the main hoose.

According to local gossip (and reported in The Globe and Mail), now that their two children are grown Mister and Missus Lifeson have decided to move on to a smaller crib, a sensible real estate decision we seldom see made by rich and famous folks who so often buy and build ever bigger and more lavish hooses.

Although we hear that Toronto is wonderfully lefty liberal and a lovely location to live, Your Mama and the Dr. Cooter prefer to make our home in warmer climes. However, if we were ever to pack up our small fleet of BMWs and emigrate to Canada (which, politically speaking, hasn’t aways seemed like such a bad idea), we can imagine that a solid and dignified hoose like this would be an excellent place to set up shop and keep the bitter chill of winter at bay. After a little redecorating and a lot of wallpaper removal, natch.

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