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Letterman’s Top 10 list: Writers demands, read by writers

Gotta hand it to David Letterman for mounting a classy return to work Wednesday night. His Top 10 list of “Demands of Lettermanstrikebeard_2 Striking Writers” was in fact read by striking writers, including Chris Albers of NBC’s “Late Night with Conan O’Brien.” There’s a rumor ( underline rumor) going around that certain NBC execs went nutso when they heard that a few NBC scribes were going to be on this seg and made some pointed phone calls.

Here’s the entire Top 10 list:

10.       From “The Daily Show with Jon Stewart,” Tim Carvell: “Complimentary tote bag with next insulting contract offer.”

9.         From “The Colbert Report,” Laura Krafft: “No rollbacks in health benefits, so I can treat the hypothermia I caught on the picket lines.”

8.         Daytime television writer, Melissa Salmons: “Full salary and benefits for my imaginary writing partner, Lester.”

7.         From “Law & Order: Criminal Intent,” Warren Leight: “Members of the AMPTP must explain what the hell AMPTP stands for.”

6.         From “The Colbert Report,” Jay Katsir: “No disciplinary action taken against any writer caught having inappropriate relationship with a copier.”

5.         From “The Daily Show with Jon Stewart,” Steve Bodow:  “I’d like a date with a woman.”

4.         Writer and director, Nora Ephron: “Hazard pay for breaking up fights on ‘The View.’”

3.         From “Law & Order,” Gina Johnfrido: “I’m no accountant, but instead of us getting 4 cents for a $20 DVD, how about we get $20 for a 4-cent DVD?”

2.         From “Late Night with Conan O’Brien,” Chris Albers: “I don’t have a joke – I just want to remind everyone that we’re on strike, so none of us are responsible for this lame list.”

1.         Thurber Award-winning author, Alan Zwiebel: “Producers must immediately remove their heads

from their asses.”