SELLER: Tony Danza
LOCATION: Longridge Avenue, Sherman Oaks, CA
SIZE: 6,778 square feet, 5 bedrooms, 5.5 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: Truly the Crown Jewel of Sherman Oaks! Stately Cape Cod traditional perched on a knoll & sited on 2.3 acres in sought after Longridge Estates. Completely rebuilt from the ground up in1997. Impeccable attention to detail, far too many amenities to list here. Very private, gated property includes guest house, pool/spa, pool house gym. Tennis court & batting cage. Perfect for the most discriminating of buyers seeking privacy.
YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Recently we received word from Scuttlebutt Sam, a San Fernando Valley denizen who pointed Your Mama at a Sherman Oaks listing the belongs to Mister Tony Danza. Remember him kids?
Just because we don’t care for his right leaning politics, does not mean we would wish lunky and hunky Republican actor Tony Danza’s house be knocked over in an earthquake. Which is exactly what happened in 1994 during the devastating Northridge Earthquake. Well, Your Mama doesn’t know if the place actually fell over, but multiple sources report that the Sherman Oaks house he bought from actor Robert Urich in September 1986 for $1,556,180 was indeed destroyed. What a damn drag that must have been.
According to listing information, the house was rebuilt from the ground up in 1997, which we imagine was necessitated by the severe earthquake damage. An article from the late 1990s reported that he claims to have rebuilt the house to ve virtually earthquake proof and he was quoted saying, “In an earthquake, I shouldn’t run out of the house–I should run into it.” Your Mama does not know where Mister Danza and his family lived from 1994 to 1997, but perhaps it was up with gun toting Republican Charleton Heston in his colossal contemporary crib off of Mulholland Drive. Now babies, we don’t have any proof of that Mister Danza and scary Mister Heston know each other at all, so don’t go spouting any of that shit off to yer friends.
Mister Tony Danza, who became famous, and probably rich, playing a series of dumb guys named Tony in the 1970s and 80s (Taxi, Who’s The Boss?), has recently become a thespian with his recent run on Broadway as Max Bialystock in The Producers. A wee bit of research on the internets tells us that he’s continuing that role at Paris Las Vegas, which Your Mama presumes is one of those disturbing and flashy fantasyland casino hotels in Las Vegas where thousands upon millions of numb skulls smile and laugh and open their wallets and bank accounts for all the fat-cat casino owners to reach in and steal their hard earned middle class income that would be better off spent taking their children to museums. But that’s a gripe for another day and another blog.
Anyhoo, Mister Danza has recently put his big and rebuilt Sherman Oaks estate on the market for a surprisingly high $6,150,000. According to listing information and property records, the 6,778 square foot “Cape Cod” style residence sits on a private 2.3 acre parcel in desirable Longridge Estates. Your Mama does not care how desirable Longridge Estates is, $6,150,000 for a house in Sherman Oaks seems ludicrous. All you San Fernando Valleyites simmer down. Your Mama is not knocking Sherman Oaks. We know that the quintessential suburban city is full of famous and well to do people living in lovely and expensive homes. But it ain’t no Beverly Hills. Food for thought, the next most expensive Sherman Oaks house listed on the MLS is just four doors down from the Danza extravaganza, and it’s priced at $3,750,000.
Listing information shows the family friendly property includes a gym in the pool house (the better to help middle aged Mister Danza keep his chest bulging and young looking), a guest house (always a nice feature for stashing the inlaws), swimming pool and spa (note the old school slide and diving board which must have survived the quake), tennis court, and a batting cage. Batting cage? How macho.
Inside the “Cape Cod” style house, which looks suspiciously un-Cape Cod like to Your Mama, we find a house bathed in gold fabric. We see gold sofas in the formal living room, a whole army of gold chairs standing around the dining room table, beige-y/gold colored furniture in the family room for watching Taxi reruns, honey gold colored butcher block counter tops in the kitchen. Gold, gold, gold! We did not manage to locate any photos of the master bedroom, but Your Mama would bet one of our long bodied bitches Linda or Beverly that there’s a gold sateen duvet on the bed and dee-luxe gold terry cloth towels in the bathroom.
Despite the overdone gold color scheme, the 5 bedroom and 5.5 bathroom mansion still manages to look like a cozy family style home…like a place where people actually live. Not a place Your Mama and the Dr. Cooter would want to live, but a place that real people actually live. So while the sad little wet bar in the family room makes Your Mama depressed and we have an unpleasant and inexplicable desire to know what that gold fabric on the dining room chairs feels like on our nekkid and prodigious booty, we give the Danza clan props for living in a house that does not look like an obscene decorator show house or a completely generic hotel room at a second tier Four Seasons Hotel.
However, one note about the backyard fencing, railing and chain link. All those ticky tacky barriers gives the place a white collar jail vibe, which isn’t so good for getting well over 5,000,000 clams out of a super rich Sherman Oaks buyer. Surely a well paid landscape designer could come up with a better solution.
Your Mama wishes the Danza clan all the luck in the world unloading their rebuilt Sherman Oaks dream house. We think you’re going to need it at it current asking price.
UPDATE: Well, it does appear that the Danza’s have split. While we can find no indication that the soon to be ex-Mrs. Danza bought a house in Fryman Estates as was noted in the comments section, that does not mean she didn’t, just that we cain’t find it with our weary eyes and tarhd mind. However, property records do reveal that the erstwhile couple do own a 1,349 square foot 2 bedroom and 2 bathroom ocean front house on Malibu Road in, well, in Malee-boo of course.