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SELLER: Reed Krakoff
LOCATION: Southampton, NY
PRICE: $12,000,000
SIZE: 3.3 acres, 4,000 square feet, 5 bedrooms, 5.5 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: Privacy and beauty combine in this modern 5 bedroom, 6 bathroom home on 3.3 acres in estate section. Century-old property with pool, pool house, playhouse, greenhouse. Slate terraces overlook award-winning mature landscaping that borders adjacent farm fields. Room for tennis and large home.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: We know all you folks out in places like Portland, Peoria, and Piscataway may not think this Reed person is a “celebrity.” But trust Your Mama when we tell you, in New York design, art, and business circles, he and wifey Delphine are at the top of the heap.

When the Krakoff clan heads East from their super-deluxe townhouse in Manhattan for a weekend of sun, sand, and barbecue, this is dwelling to which they are chauffeured. The flag-lot property sits smack in the middle of Southampton’s most exclusive neighborhood and is just a few minutes bike ride to Coopers Neck Beach. The Krakoff house also happens to be a few doors down from “Old Trees,” the tremendous, old-school lakefront estate being offered at the stunning price of $48,000,000. That should tell you a little something about the quality of the location.

Like their townhouse in the city (the old one, not the new one), this place has been photographed and swooned over in high-style publications, most notably last September in Elle Decor. Your Mama thinks that Mr. Krakoff–a smart, savvy guy, and very well connected dude–calls up a few of his big-time homies and gently asks for his homes to be written up in a fancy magazine or two just as their coming to market. Thereby grabbing a little free press, not to mention being able to add a few pennies to the price for the cache of purchasing a “published” celebrity house. If you’re friendly with all the right people, Your Mama recommends this strategy highly.

Even though we have a lovely little house at the beach ourselves, Your Mama would be happy to swap out our wee farmhouse for this rather severe assemblage of white cubes. The uniform articulation of windows on the back facade just makes us feel calm and visually soothed. The vine covered pergola thing, while not particularly clever, is absolutely effective in softening the austere nature of the architecture, not to mention providing some necessary shade. With global warming and all that crap, we all have to be more conscious of having a shady place to recline on those blistering summer days.

The kitchen we’re digging due to it’s studied and well ordered cacophony of styles. The master bedroom on the other hand is a little fussy for our taste. Your Mama is quite sure having a big old raccoon pelt on the bed is not a good idea. Oh, we get that it adds texture and luxury and all that horseshit, but no. These sorts of blankets are just a high-minded, design-y version of a big stuffed deer head hanging on the wall of the den. Come on now. Please. Put that fuzzy thing in the cold storage and get a nice hand-woven mohair something or other.

Your Mama thinks that enormous stretch of lawn is just beyond. It must take an army of gardeners and a wheelbarrow of money to keep that lawn looking the way it does; lush, even colored and not a brown spot anywhere. Your Mama thinks xeriscaping is truly the next wave in landscaping, but we still find ourselves drawn to a well maintained lawn.

One of the things Your Mama likes about the super-rich is how they pepper their grounds with artwork. The Krakoffs, big art lovers and consumers, also like expensive backyard sculpture. Did you notice the cute little wooden sheep? And of course the giant Tony Rosenthal cube probably set the Krakoff’s back more than you make in a year.

We are disappointed not to find a tennis court here, as we’ve come to expect that of estate properties in the Hamptons. But the posh Bridgehampton Tennis & Surf Club is nearby and can be joined for the not so modest fee of about $7,700 for a family membership.

The wind is howling outside and the ground is frozen. So it’s an excellent time to sit back and think about the coming summer months. Your Mama has a long list of Hamptons properties to bring you in the coming weeks, so stick around and we’ll show you how the East Coast richie-riches summer in style and comfort.

Sources: NY Observer, Sotheby’s International, DebbieGuide