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Rachel Ray Heads to the Hamptons

BUYER: Rachel Ray
LOCATION: Tuckahoe Lane, Southampton, NY
PRICE: $2,900,000 (list)
SIZE: 2,800, square feet (approx.), 3 bedrooms, 3 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: The 3 bedroom / 3 bathroom main house has been stylishly updated throughout, with gracious doors opening out to a heated gunite pool surrounded by a bluestone patio with pergola. Guests can enjoy their own separate 2 bedroom / 2 bathroom bath house with its own kitchen and sauna. A third cottage with its own bath can be used for additional guests.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: The other day, celebrity real estate demigod Mister Braden Keil dropped an item into the Page Six gossip column of the New York Post which reported that 30 minute meal chef Rachel Ray has gone to contract to purchase a house in the Hamptons. Which was a really nice thing for Mister Keil to do, because let’s face it, the lady could use some press of the good variety lately.

Poor Rachel Ray. She finally reaches the pinnacle of success and fame, gets her own show on the Food Network, and KABLAM! Some woman tells the freaking National Enquirer that Mister Rachel Ray, a dude named John Cusimano, has a few not so savory sexual fetishes that include being spat upon and having a woman’s feet rubbed in his face while he’s nekkid. Uh oh. And, the woman claims, Mister Rachel Ray has PAID her to perform the degrading acts since the year 2000. More Uh oh.

Well, just as Your Mama don’t know nothing about birthing no babies, we don’t have a clue if there is any truth to the rumors. But we can tell you these types of fetishes are far more common than most people would ever guess. About a hundred years ago Your Mama knew a slip of a man with a girl’s face who got paid the big bucks to lock up a high powered Japanese businessman in a little wooden box the size of a children’s toy chest. Every now and then our pal would walk by, kick the box, and scream mean and hateful things to the man in the box. And for that he got paid $500 clams. True story kids.

Anyhoo, the house Miz Ray is said to be purchasing sits on 6.2 acres of land wedged between a couple of golf courses in Southampton, which we hear is the new East Hampton because nobody wants to be dealing with the traffic and drama of getting in and out of East Hampton anymore.

The house has 3 bedrooms and 3 bathrooms as well as a 2 bedroom and 2 bathroom pool house / guest house. On top of that theres another building with a bath where the less favored guests can be stashed. This is obviously an excellent set up for keeping guests out of ones’ hair early in the morning and late at night when you’re wanting to be spitting on each other.

We’re surprised to see a lady who makes a considerable living cooking buy a house with such a small and ordinary kitchen. Or maybe, that kitchen in the photo is the kitchen in the guest house? That would certainly make more sense.

We have to be honest kids, we find Miz Rachel Ray to be a real snooze. We know the world thinks she walks on water and is the best thing to hit the airwaves since Oprah Winfrey, but we don’t get it. So for all you Rachel Ray fans, and there are so, so many of you, enjoy the photos and dream of lazing by the pool and having Miz Ray bring you some easy to whip up delectable.

Sources: NY Post, Tabloid Whore

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