SELLER: Michael Vick
LOCATION: Darlington Run, Duluth, GA
PRICE: $4,500,000
SIZE: 10,563 square feet, 7 bedrooms, 8.5 bathrooms

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Not only does Your Mama care little about football and football players (sorry children, that’s just the way it is), we like animal torturers even less. In fact, as far as Your Mama is concerned, people who mistreat animals are nothing more than living breathing pieces of puke.

And it would seem from recent press reports that footballer Michael Vick, who allegedly has herpes, is the lowest of the low. After all, this is a man who owned a house with a dog rape machine. Yes children, a dog rape machine, which is apparently used to breed dogs. Just typing that gives us the goose bumps and turns our stomach. If Your Mama and the Dr. Cooter had our way, we’d stick Mister Vick in his dog rape machine and let anyone with a mind to take a turn on his damn backside.

Anyhoo, we’re here to discuss the real estate and not Mister Vicks morals, or lack thereof. Earlier today Your Mama received word from the Savannah Snitch that the former Falcon from Atlanta has put his suburban mansion on the market for $4,500,000. According to listing information, the 10,518 square foot house sits on a 1.5+ acre lake front lot in a gated development at the Sugarloaf Country Club. Your Mama imagines the place needs to be cleared of all the dog fighting trophies, which might explain why listing information for the property currently does not include photos. Fortunately Your Mama received a photo of the front of the house from the Picture Fairy so that the children can see how well groomed the place is. The listing does indicate that in addition to all the standard features, Big Vick’s big ass house includes 7 bedrooms, 8.5 bathrooms, a walk out basement, library/office, a gym, and his and her bathroom in the master suite. Just imagine what sort of woman would marry a man who breeds and fights dogs just so she could have her own bathroom. Yikes.

But children, this is NOT the house where the alleged illegal dogfighting and dog raping took place. Mister Vick sold that house, which is actually in Smithfield, Virginia, earlier in the year at a rock bottom price, no doubt eager as a beaver to get the thing off his bloody hands. Your Mama has been told by multiple sources that house being sold is Mister Vicks‘ actual residence during football season. Considering he’s more than likely on his way to the big house and has been suspended from the Falcons, he won’t be needing this suburban Atlanta mansion anymore.

When and if pictures become available we’ll consider putting them up, but we’ve already given Mister Vick more time and energy than we like so we’ll just have to see what sort of mood Your Mama is in when the pictures become available. Gawd, we need to go take a nerve pill and love on our beloved pooches Linda and Beverly.