LOCATION: Califa Street, Van Nuys, CA
PRICE: $639,000 (list)
SIZE: 1,750 square feet, 4 bedrooms, 3 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: This property has been completely remodeled from top to bottom. Features all new roofs, electrical, plumbing, windows, driveways, and landscape. Home offers all new granite kitchen with custom cabinets and Pergo flooring thru-out. A true master bedroom with private bath, separate tube & shower and walk-in closet. Additional guest room behind garage offers private bathroom & kitchenette.

YOUR MAMAS UPDATE: Turns out Your Mama got it wrong and Miss Carmit Bachar did NOT buy this house, but rather she bought THIS HOUSE.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Celebrity real estate can’t always be pretty children, so strap on your seat belts because Your Mama is going to take you on a wild ride through the tawdry and ugly little San Fernando Valley house that Pussycat Doll front woman Carmit Bachar has purchased. Or at least Your Mama was told by someone who would know that she’s buying this house. Anyhoo, before we get to any specifics, we would like to sincerely tip our hat to the ladee for earning enough money as a professional dancer to buy herself a damn house. Yes, children, we know it’s an ugly and not very well renovated ranch house in less than glamorous Van Nuys. But it’s still a damn house, and how many professional dancers do you know who own their own house?

Trust Your Mama when we tell you that it’s not easy being a professional dancer. And in a place like Los Angeles, it’s doubly difficult because, let’s be honest, most dancers in Los Angeles wind up naked strippers or, if their lucky, nearly nekkid video gurls who harbor dreams of living the Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman story. But alas, most just end up tired ol‘ strippers trying to make enough money to have their saggy cheechees worked on by a surgeon who won’t mangle and mutilate them so badly they can’t shake their money maker for lonely and married men any more. Sad, but true.

Certainly Miss Bachar, has done her fair share of burlesque dancing–the Pussycats were a burlesque group long before they were an internationally known singing and dancing gurl group–and the Los Angeles native with a disturbingly unnatural shade of red hair has also worked her thing in a number of music videos for big name celebs like Gwen Stefani, Macy Gray, The Black Eyed Peas, and the queen diva herself, Madam Beyoncé, just to name a few. Miss Machar was also the Livin‘ La Vida Loca gurl in Ricky Martin’s world tour back when he was shaking his bubble bon bon in a too tight pair of pantalones.

Now of course, Miss Bachar is strutting her stuff as a lead member of the Pussycat Dolls. According to most reports, being a member of the Pussycats means being paid a salary rather than a percentage of the profits, and judging from the depressingly average house Miss Bachar is buying in Van Nuys, the Pussycats are not being paid the big bucks by their bosses at Interscope Records.

Children, we are sorry to say, but this house is pretty much Your Mama’s definition of real estate that induces deep depression. Where do we begin? The Van Nuys location? The flesh colored exterior? The Pergo (read: fake wood) floors? The kitchen that looks cheap and like the cabinets doors are going to fall off in 6 months or less? The “landscaped” backyard that looks like a neglected and vacant lot in a not so nice part of town? No offense to Miss Bachar, who we’re sure is a lovely gal, but Your Mama would rather live in a rented one bedroom apartment than come home to this flipped out interior design disaster.

Because we always try to say something nice about the properties we discuss, Your Mama will concede that the front porch is a nice feature, and it’s always a bonus to have a guest house out back for stashing less than honored guests. Gawd, that was difficult.

The 1,750 square foot property was listed at $639,000. Listing information indicates that there are actually 3 bedrooms and 2 bathrooms in the main house and another detached bedroom, bath and kitchenette back behind the detached garage. We can only hope Miss Bachar’s agent drove hard to get the singer/dancer a better price. And we can only hope that Miss Bachar has enough cash to spare to work this place over and turn it into a house worthy of a budding international superstar or whatever the Pussycats are meant to be.

Now, Your Mama as got to go look at some pretty and over the top decadent celebrity houses now to bring us out of the depth of real estate despair.