×

SELLER: Oprah Winfrey
LOCATION: 32nd floor penthouse, Water Tower Place, Chicago
PRICE: $5,400,000
SIZE: 6,500 square feet, 5 bedrooms, 6 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: A mansion in the sky. Newly completed 6,500 duplex penthouse. Incredible vistas of lake, city, and pier from every room. Grand 2-story entry with sweeping staircase to observatory room with 19 foot ceiling surrounded by glass and 2,000 square foot private terrace. Five en-suite bedrooms, 2 fireplaces, theater room, office, magnificent custom finishes and floor plan. Two car garage. Fabulous!

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Your Mama thinks we have hit the mother load here children. We had to pour ourselves a tall, stiff drink when we located this listing. Because babies, Your Mama thinks you are looking at photographs of the inside of Miss Oprah Winfrey’s fabled duplex penthouse apartment.

Now babies, some reports say this lady owns four apartments in this building. And some reports say she has combined multiple apartments into one jumbo penthouse. Other reports say her duplex is a whopping 10,000 square feet. And this apartment is none of those things; it is, according to the listing, a single, penthouse duplex with 6,500 square feet of interior space.

But children, ask yourself. Be honest. Who else would have a gigantic fake tree up in her house? Do you know what effort and cost it is to drag all those simulated leaves and branches up to the 32nd floor of a classy building in downtown Chicago? Now babies, we love Oprah as much as anyone else, and we know she does so much good work around the world she’s giving Mother Theresa a run for her reputation, but Your Mama is just positive that phony foliage was not a very good decorating choice. We do not think one should move into a 32nd floor of a luxury building and feel like you’re the Swiss Family Robinson living up in a damn tree.

Anyhoo, let us tell you why Your Mama thinks this penthouse is the current home of one of the world’s richest and most famous women. 1.) Everybody knows Oprah lives in a large duplex penthouse at Water Tower Place. 2.) In addition to the penthouse shown in the photos above, the penthouse next door is also for sale (list price, $5,987,900). And babies, you have to know that Oprah probably owns that penthouse too, right? 3.) How many penthouses can there be in this building, and what’s the likelihood two come to market at the very same time Miss Oprah is moving out of her penthouse? 4.) Everybody knows she is indeed moving house into a swanky building over by the lake with her mustachioed man friend. And 5.) That tree.

Some here at the Real Estalker think the furniture looks flavorless, cheap, and not befitting of the filthy rich, chatty billionairess, who also owns a very classy $50,000,000 weekend house in Montecito, California. But it is Your Mama’s opinion this apartment has likely been staged and that Miss Oprah has already moved into her new apartment. You know why? Because you just know this lady is not going to tolerate a bunch of snotty rich bitches coming up into her house talking about everything that’s wrong with it…like that damn tree.

As always, we’ll stay on the story babies and let you know if we’re able to suss out any additional information or confirmations. Now Your Mama is tired and we’re going to go get ourselves another drink and settle into the sofa for a long night of T.V. watching with our dachshunds Linda and Beverly.