The big fear about “product integration” has been that programmers will put the cart before the horse — or in this case, the Pontiac GTO before the movie. Allegedly an “action-packed” drama, this sponsored presentation by Pontiac and General Motors is really little more than a two-hour infomercial designed to sell muscle cars. Admittedly, networks must explore creative advertising arrangements to survive in a zap-happy TiVo world, but please, let’s hope that doesn’t mean they all have to be this heavy-handed.
In fact, “The Last Ride” should be required viewing for others following in its path, a sort of how-not-to guide. Producer Rob Cohen (“The Fast and the Furious”) proves he’s willing to think outside the box by crafting a movie around a car in what’s billed as “an integrated marketing opportunity.” Yet other than demonstrating how well the 2004 Pontiac GTO corners and outruns police cruisers, it’s all a rather ass-backwards exercise.
The wispy, thuddingly obvious plot involves a long-incarcerated parolee, Ronnie Purnell (Dennis Hopper, doing an impersonation of himself), seeking to “settle a score” more than 30 years after his wife’s death. Although estranged from his cop son Aaron (Will Patton), he finds a more sympathetic presence in grandson Matt (Chris Carmack from “The OC”), a street-racing enthusiast with a chip on his shoulder.
Matt has an impossibly hot girlfriend named J.J. (Nadine Velazquez) who knows a lot about fixing cars, as most impossibly hot gals do. She’s afraid, though, that Matt’s hero worship toward gramps is going to lead him into danger.
Taking a page from the elaborate promotional films being shot for high-end cars, Matt is afforded plenty of chances to race around in them. He and Ronnie quickly become fugitives thanks to Aaron’s adopted dad, Darryl (Fred Ward), who now runs a security firm and, it’s quickly revealed, played an insidious role in Ronnie’s initial arrest.
If nothing else, the cross-generational bonding as they attempt to unravel what happened decades ago provides fertile ground for GTO-friendly dialogue: “Maybe along the way, you might learn something about real cars,” Ronnie grumbles at one point, referring to Matt’s import as a “rice-burner.” When not pitching the GTO with lines like “It handles as good as they say?” Guy McGee’s script simply strings together cliches.
After a fracas at an auto show (where else?), Ronnie and Aaron also thaw their relationship over Coronas, and given the general tone, it’s hard not to dwell on how much the brewery paid for the privilege.
To the extent the movie is watchable at all, it’s thanks to the stretches Carmack and Velazquez spend sitting around in their underwear. At times, the camera caresses them almost as lovingly as it does the cars, which in this venue is high praise, indeed.
“The Last Ride’s” commercial framework — marketing gimmickry masquerading as entertainment — is equally exposed.
