If you happen to be a presenter at tonight’s Academy Awards, you won’t be going away empty-handed. And we’re not just talking about the home version and a case of Turtle Wax, either.
No, as those putting together the presenter baskets are fond of saying, Oscar nominees have only a 20% chance of leaving victorious, but every presenter leaves this year’s show a winner.
Here is what the goodie bag that will be awaiting Madonna, Cuba Gooding Jr., Drew Barrymore, Quentin Tarantino, et al., looks like:
- An Elton John Candle from InStyle. No doubt to give presenters that Marilyn Monroe/Princess Diana premature death kind of feeling.
- JBL Stereo CD System. Finally, Madonna can hear her own CDs!
- Ray Ban Sunglasses. An extra pair for Quentin.
- United Airlines leather passport holder and four upgrade certificates. Because God knows this crowd usually has to fly coach.
- Frederic Fekkai Beaute de Provence day of beauty. Lasts 24 full hours!
- Harry Winston sterling silver compass. To help A-listers find their beds following those nights of indulgence.
- Montblanc Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart fountain pen. Because writing a letter should feel like conducting a symphony.
The Oscar baskets also include a scarf, various fragrances, coffee and tea, a teddy bear, a chronograph watch, booze, makeup, a crystal pendant and a letter tray. The one thing that’s missing: something to settle presenter stomachs, like the Kaopectate shipped out to nominated actors and actresses. We suggest Maalox as a substitute.