Oscar gimmes hot stuff

All kinds of goodies in the bag for presenters

If you happen to be a presenter at tonight’s Academy Awards, you won’t be going away empty-handed. And we’re not just talking about the home version and a case of Turtle Wax, either.

No, as those putting together the presenter baskets are fond of saying, Oscar nominees have only a 20% chance of leaving victorious, but every presenter leaves this year’s show a winner.

Here is what the goodie bag that will be awaiting Madonna, Cuba Gooding Jr., Drew Barrymore, Quentin Tarantino, et al., looks like:

  • An Elton John Candle from InStyle. No doubt to give presenters that Marilyn Monroe/Princess Diana premature death kind of feeling.

  • JBL Stereo CD System. Finally, Madonna can hear her own CDs!

  • Ray Ban Sunglasses. An extra pair for Quentin.

  • United Airlines leather passport holder and four upgrade certificates. Because God knows this crowd usually has to fly coach.

  • Frederic Fekkai Beaute de Provence day of beauty. Lasts 24 full hours!

  • Harry Winston sterling silver compass. To help A-listers find their beds following those nights of indulgence.

  • Montblanc Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart fountain pen. Because writing a letter should feel like conducting a symphony.

The Oscar baskets also include a scarf, various fragrances, coffee and tea, a teddy bear, a chronograph watch, booze, makeup, a crystal pendant and a letter tray. The one thing that’s missing: something to settle presenter stomachs, like the Kaopectate shipped out to nominated actors and actresses. We suggest Maalox as a substitute.

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