H’wood: lava-va-voom!

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WHO SAYS THERE’S no originality left in Hollywood? Friday marks the opening of the third lava-themed pic of the past few months, but each work is totally distinctive and original.

And the key, of course, is the dialogue.

Following are actual lines taken from Fox’s “Volcano,” Universal’s “Dante’s Peak” and the ABC vidpic “Volcano: Fire on the Mountain.”

Novice screenwriters: pay attention. You’ll see every line of dialogue you’ll ever need to use.

FORESHADOWING

“Peak”: “Paul, something’s going on. There’s some seismic activity.”

“Fire”: “Whoa, hey. We got a big jump in the readings here.”

“Volcano”: “Mind if I have a look for myself?”

PUTTING IT IN LAYMAN’S TERMS

“Volcano”: “This is going to destroy everything it touches.”

“Peak”: “This mountain’s a ticking time bomb.”

“Fire”: “Something bad is coming and God help us if we don’t get out of its way.”

EARLY CRISIS

“Peak”: (two lovers in hot springs) “Auhhhnnn!”

“Fire” (two skiers flying through the air) “Aiiieeee!”

“Volcano”: (Metrorail workers) “Auggghhh!”

THE VOICE OF REASON

“Peak”: “Ladies and gentlemen, please remain calm.”

“Volcano”: “Please stay calm.”

“Fire”: “Everyone, just stay calm!”

COULD THINGS GET ANY WORSE?

“Peak”: “More lava’s coming down the hill!”

“Fire”: “I smell smoke! … The whole place is going to go up!”

“Volcano”: “Dad, hurry, my leg is burning!”

ACTS OF HEROISM

“Volcano: “Go on, get out of here! You can make it if you run!”

“Peak”: “Listen, Paul, get out of there now, please!”

“Fire”: “I’m not gonna leave you here.”

A SENSE OF URGENCY

“Volcano”: “Let’s go, let’s go, double time, let’s go!”

“Fire”: “Go! Go! Go!”

“Peak”: “Go! Go go go! Go!”

FORMULATING A PLAN

“Peak”: “I’ve gotta get to the kids!”

“Fire”: “It’s too dangerous, it’ll never work!”

“Volcano”: “Everybody out! We’re evacuating the Hard Rock!”

MORAL OF THE STORY

“Volcano”: (seeing the multiracial workers covered in ash): “Look at their faces! They all look the same.”

“Fire”: “There is a God.”

“Peak”: “Never keep your (coffee) beans in the freezer!”

EACH PIC’S BEST MOMENT

“Fire”:

Scientist: “There’s a new magma chamber building there and it’s going to erupt! I can feel it in my gut.”

His supervisor: “Geology is the province of scientists, Mr. Slater, not psychics.”

“Peak”:

Scientist in a metal boat: “Volcanic activity has turned the lake to acid!”

Lady mayor: “Acid eats metal!”

“Volcano”:

Scientist: “The city is finally paying for its arrogance.”

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