The Return of Swamp Thing is scientific hokum without the fun. Second attempt to film the DC Comics character will disappoint all but the youngest critters.
They may be entertained by watching crossbred creatures squirm helplessly or buy into the Swamp Thing’s (Dick Durock) instant love for Heather Locklear. He’s a plant; she’s a vegetarian.
Pic is set against a backdrop of evil where Dr Arcane (Louis Jourdan) has turned the disco-looking basement of his ante-bellum mansion into a mutant lab inhabited by failed experiments as he tries to discover the genetic equivalent of the Fountain of Youth.
The Swamp Thing escaped, but most of his more unfortunate distant cousins of the Petri dish have not, like the cockroach/man stuck on his back flailing his legs while Drs Lana Zurrell and Rochelle (Sarah Douglas and Ace Mask, respectively) lament another misfire.
Locklear arrives at the scene to confront Jourdan, her evil stepfather, who has never quite adequately explained her mother’s mysterious death.
It doesn’t take a genius to figure out Mom’s fate, though it takes the dense Locklear character an hour and a half.