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‘Amy Schumer: Live at the Apollo’: Top Moments

Amy Schumer’s first stand-up special for HBO, “Live at the Apollo,” featured the comedian’s trademark self-deprecating humor — and plenty of freewheeling, graphic jokes. Accompanied by a bottle of wine, Schumer entertained the audience at the Apollo with intimate details of her dating life, her struggles to fit in in body-obsessed Hollywood, and a long riff on sex that somehow hilariously name-checks the most powerful women in the country.

Here are some of the highlights:

On New York vs. Los Angeles:

“Everyone is hot in L.A. My arms register as legs there. My legs register as firewood.”

On “Zookeeper,” which featured Kevin James cast opposite Rosario Dawson, whose character is in love with his:

“The movie’s about talking animals. There’s a beaver and a penguin that are friends and talking about opening up a bed and breakfast. And that’s not the most unrealistic part of that movie.”

On women not looking at their own anatomy:

“The only time is when you get a bikini wax. (Mimes turning away quickly.) There’s no faster response time. It’s like identifying a body.”

On appearing in her movie “Trainwreck”:

“They were like, ‘No, we want you to be in the movie.’ We just need you to do three things. 1. Be yourself. 2. Have fun. 3. Stop eating food. So they got me a trainer. I saw him see me and wince. He’s walking toward me, trying to be brave, like the way you would with a burn victim.”

On not keeping up with the news, like her friends do:

“They were all very upset about Ferguson and I was like, ‘I know. I can’t believe he left the show.’ I kept telling my friends I was going to do this Isis bucket challenge.

On her nighttime rituals:

“The other day, I was having a little wine and weed and an Ambien. Or as I like to call it, ‘Tucking myself in.’ Goodnight, Moon.”

On snacks at the movies:

“A small popcorn is like taking one Advil. Why are you wasting my time?”

On double standards in comedy:

“I’m labeled a sex comic. Like in interviews, people are always like, ‘So, you keep talking about sex.’ I think it’s just because I’m a girl. I feel like a guy could get up here and literally pull his d–k out and everybody would be like, ‘He’s a thinker!'”

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