SELLER: Zosia Mamet
LOCATION: Brooklyn, NY
SIZE: 6-8 bedrooms, 4 bathrooms
YOUR MAMA’S NOTES: Not even a year ago idiosyncratically named 20-something year old actress Zosia Mamet — whose father is playwright David Mamet and who may or may not be a thing like the annoyingly earnest dingbat Shoshana she portrays on the semi-controversial hit show “Girls” — shelled out $1.039 million for a four-story, flesh tone hued townhouse type multi-unit building on Flushing Avenue in the heart of Brooklyn’s still pretty gritty but none-the-less terrifically trendy, quickly gentrifying and ever-more expensive Bushwick ‘hood.
Several days ago, as per the Bushwick Daily via the kids at Curbed, Miss Mament flipped the lightly cosmetically refurbished and preposterously faux-quoined, 22-foot wide townhouse building back on the market with an asking price of $1.6 million. Not a bad way to earn a few hundred thousand bucks, right?)
Current listing details show the building is presently inhabited as a single-family residence with six bedrooms, three bathrooms and an open plan main living space on the parlor floor with updated, farmhouse style kitchen between a small garden-view dining area and a slightly larger, street-side living room. The five-room, commercially zoned English basement has its own bathroom and direct access the rag-tag, multilevel backyard area.
Floor plans included with digital marketing materials, on the other hand, show there are three legal and separate, full-floor units plus the basement level office area. Plans show a shared foyer with marble steps leads to a shared and window-enhanced stairwell. The parlor floor — presumably used by Miss Mamet as the main living/dining/cooking space — appears on plan as a self-contained, studio-style one bedroom with one bathroom. Both the middle and uppermost units are configured with three small rooms and a bathroom that all open off a central kitchen/dining space.
Your Mama notices with some claustrophobic distress, the middle unit’s central kitchen/dining room doesn’t appear to have any sort of window at all and the upper unit’s central kitchen/dining room has just one itty-bitty window. That’s a hell to the no, children. A smart architect could probably work that problem out but its shakes us to our very olfactory core just to think of someone broiling halibut or sautéing liver and onions in a windowless room. But anyways…
We can’t claim any inside intel about Miss Zosia’s future real estate plans but iffin Your Mama were the betting type — and we most definitely are not — we’d wager both our long-bodied bitches, Linda and Beverly, and our mean ol’ pussycat, Sugar, that Miss Mamet decamps for a more established (and slightly less potentially treacherous) ‘hood like, say, Park Slope or the fully hipster-fied Williamsburg. (Maybe she’s got the dough to snatch up Michelle William’s Cobble Hill townhouse?)
Listing photos and floor plan: Sotheby’s International Realty