BUYER: Miranda Kerr
LOCATION: Malibu, CA
SIZE: 4 bedrooms, 3.5 bathrooms (total)
YOUR MAMA’S NOTES: Wide-eyed and dimple-cheeked Australian catwalker Miranda Kerr has been a daily fixture the celebrity gossip glossies since her estranged, movie star husband Orlando Bloom took a swing at Justin Beiber in Cipriani on the party-hearty island of Ibiza. Apparently — as if any of it matters — the movie star declined to shake Beeb’s young hand so the pipsqueak pop star retaliated and (allegedly) said something indecent that alluded to the rampant rumors he had an extra-marital hook up (or something) with a then very married Miz Kerr back in 2012.
FYI: It was rumored Beeb’s on/off again gal pal Selena Gomez hooked up (or something) with Mister Bloom a couple of years ago and — so the scuttlebutt goes — Miz Kerr has done moved on to a still nascent thing with Aussie multibillionaire James Packer whose ex-wife, Erica, was spotted last week canoodling on a yacht with — You got it! — Mister Bloom. Have mercy! What a tangled romantic web some rich and famous folk weave.
In 2009, Miz Kerr was a victim of the infamous (and ridiculous) Bling Ring who home invaded her and Mister Bloom’s gated residence in the celeb-saturated Outpost Estates area in the foothills above Hollywood’s western border. (Mister Bloom sold the place in April for $3.9 million.) Make no mistake though, children, neither Miz Kerr’s fame nor her fortune is derived from her movie star husband and/or his fist swinging incident in Ibiza. The walking, talking and well-compensated mannequin consistently ranks as among the highest earning models on the planet and uses her considerable earnings to foster an entrepreneurial spirit. She (allegedly) has or used to have some sort of equity stake in the illustrious Bowery Ballroom music venue in lower Manhattan and she shills her own upscale line of organic skincare products, KORA Organics. (A 2.19 ounce tube of Energizing Citrus Mint will run y’all about forty-four bucks, in case y’ll might be curious.) She’s also penned not just one but two self-help books, first “Treasure Yourself ” and then “Empower Yourself, Daily Affirmations to Reclaim Your Power.”
Fascinating as Miz Kerr’s romantic and professional lives may be, let’s get back to the real estate matter at hand, shall we? Sometime last summer Miz Kerr and Mister Bloom, who have one toddler age child together, decided to call it quits. As far as we know the Kerr-Blooms were living in Malibu at the time they called an end to their three-year marriage. The inestimable and eerily well-informed Lucy Spillerguts told us that Miz Kerr was — until recently — holed up in a luxury rental residence near Malibu’s Matador State Beach and the ever-in-the-know real estate yenta Yolanda Yakketyyak says she’ll swear on her second ex-husband’s dead mother’s 6.2 carat cushion cut diamond solitaire that she retained in the divorce that it was Miz Kerr who recently shelled out $2.15 million for a nearly three-quarter-acre, ocean view micro-compound at the tail end of a private cul-de-sac about 3.5 miles west of her former rental.
The L.A. County Tax man pegs the single story main house at just over 1,700 square feet — modest by most standards and positively minuscule by celebrity standards — and listing details suggest there are three bedrooms and 2.5 bathrooms plus a detached poolside guesthouse with itty-bitty kitchenette and bathroom. Awkwardly perched on the hillside above the main house is another detached, flexi-use structure with over the roof-top ocean view that Your Mama would bet both our long-bodied bitches, Linda and Beverly, the firm-figured practicing Buddhist will use as a yoga/fitness studio.
The open plan living area includes a compact living room with wide-plank wood floors, a raised hearth stone and granite fireplace surrounded by built-in bookshelves, a vaulted and beamed ceiling, and a pentagonal wall of windows with a serene, through-the-trees ocean view. The adjoining and also ocean view dining area has glass sliders on two walls and is divided from the functional if perfectly quotidian galley-style kitchen by a stool-height snack counter.
Two guest/family bedrooms appear to share an unusually spacious hall bathroom with wood floors, dramatically vaulted and sky-lit ceiling and a huge tiled vanity. The smallish master bedroom has a disturbingly off-center used brick fireplace, access to an ocean view deck and a renovated bathroom with an over-sized, windowed, tiled, and sky-lit shower space.
There’s a brick terrace around the small swimming pool and attached spa as well as a vast, partly covered and trellis-shaded deck that wraps around the dining room end of the house and makes a broad run the full length of the house. Trees that shade the deck both obscure and frame glimmering vistas over the ocean.
We imagine Miz Kerr maintains a home in her native Australia — about which Your Mama knows absolutely nada — and last March (2013) she sold a 904-square-foot open-plan one bedroom apartment on the 10th floor of the Jade Jagger decorated JADE building in the Flatiron District of Manhattan for $1,345,000.
Listing photos: Pritchett-Rapf