BUYER: Kelly Osbourne
LOCATION: Los Angeles, Calif.
PRICE: $2 million
SIZE: 2,538 square feet, 3 bedrooms, 3 bathrooms
YOUR MAMA’S NOTES: Although she’s owned a Robert Byrd-designed pad just behind the perennially chic Chateau Marmont since 2005, in early 2013 Kelly Osbourne was shacked up in a West Hollywood rental condo across the hall from glam-rocker Adam Lambert. That spring, instead of moving back to her tiny house above the Sunset Strip, Miss Osbourne — then lavender-maned and engaged to a vegan chef — decamped to a rented house in the Beverly Hills Post Office previously and (in)famously occupied by promising teenaged starlet-turned-Tinseltown cautionary tale Lindsay Lohan.
The Rock ‘n’ Roll scion, reality TV star and popular if semi-controversial sartorial pundit — she’s a full-time panelist on “Fashion Police” — called off her nuptials in early 2014 and listed her humble if not exactly inexpensive one-bedroom starter house behind the Chateau Marmont for $1.349 million; the glammed-out house quickly sold it for $1.3 million. Miss Osbourne, now 30 and in the public eye her entire life, soon sought a home of her own and, over the summer, we’ve just now learned from real estate yenta Yolanda Yakketyyak, who really is the Christmas gift that just keeps on giving and giving and giving, made an until now under-the-radar $2 million purchase of a two-story hillside residence near the end of a very narrow lane in the celebrated, so-called and celebrity-approved “Birds Streets” neighborhood. Property records show the seller was real estate investor Drew McCourt, one of the four sons of bitterly divorced former Dodgers owners Frank and Jamie McCourt.
Listing details show the boxy, stucco-sided residence was originally erected in the early 1960s and is currently configured with three bedrooms and three bathrooms in 2,538 square feet. An unusually and unexpectedly generous lower-level foyer leads up to the main living spaces on the upper floor. Medium-tone brown hardwood floors extend throughout the open-plan space where there’s a pea-green tiled chimney, a wall-mounted flat screen television and a series of floor-to-ceiling corner windows in the lounge area.
Your Mama can’t say we care for the clunky, two-tone cabinetry treatment, but we do recognize the long and slender galley kitchen is expensively equipped with (admittedly ho-hum) granite countertops and high-grade stainless steel appliances that include side-by-side fridge/freezers. A small terrace off the formal dining room has a-through-the-wires canyon view and glass doors in the dining space that adjoins the kitchen open to the backyard and swimming pool.
One window-lined bedroom appears in listing photographs — at least it does to this eggnog-imbibing property gossip — to have been used by the seller as an office/library space, and the master bedroom is wrapped in floor-to-ceiling custom plywood paneling. Honestly, children, we’re down with the checkerboard-y plywood paneling. We could totally make that work. The luxe but generic high-end hotel suite day-core, however, seems like an ill-suited lover to the plywood. But that’s neither here nor there to Miss Osbourne, who may (or may not) drag in the Osbourne family’s longtime design guru and decorator, Martyn Lawrence Bullard. Anyhoo, the master bathroom has lots of points and angles that lend it a masculine — or maybe “masculine” — edge, and it has a convenient if not particularly private glass door that leads out to the pool terrace.
The compact backyard is jam-packed with an essentially oval swimming pool and slightly raised spa surrounded by flagstone terracing. There’s barely enough room at the spa end of the pool for a couple of sun loungers, and at the other there’s a built-in barbecue tightly wedged in to a corner and close enough to the pool’s edge that Your Mama might suggest Miss Osbourne not booze it up while working the barbecue lest she topple over into the pool with the slightest bobble on her poolside stilletos.
Perhaps (or perhaps not) it has something to do with the much hyped six- or eight-episode reprisal of the family’s pioneering reality show (“The Osbournes”) reported to film and air in 2015, but it seems the music and television industry family seems to want to stick pretty close together these days. Kelly’s sister Aimee’s house, which she bought from Steven Spielberg’s stepdaughter Jessica Capshaw in 2007, is next door to Kelly’s new digs and, earlier this year for exactly $4 million, the parental Osbournes quietly snatched up a mid-floor condo at the celeb-stacked Sierra Towers complex that’s less than a mile down the hill from from Kelly and Aimee. Only Jack resides at a distance: In May he sold a lovely house in Los Feliz for $3.2 million and purchased a bigger and newly built (mac)mansion in Studio City, also for $3.2 million.
Listing photos: Hilton & Hyland