Search and rescue workers announced they are pessimistic on the odds of survival for any Paramount Pictures executives, after a poorly constructed tentpole, otherwise known as “World War Z,” which was supposed to help keep a roof over the executives’ heads, collapsed on them. An investigation is already under way to determine who is responsible for creating the disastrous movie that many experts had been predicting for over a year was highly unstable and would most likely fail.
A popular common theory for the tentpole collapse is that instead of hiring someone with a proven track record of creating successful tentpoles, Paramount CEO and chairman Brad Grey gave the job to movie star and former Plan B partner, Brad Pitt. According to reports, Pitt’s inexperienceat producing massive projects showed when the tentpole was first tested months ago and was deemed not good enough to be used, leading to tens of millions of dollars spent to fix it.
“If I learned anything from this disaster, it’s that I should only be producing more kids with Angelina and not tentpoles,” Pitt told Hollywood & Swine. “In my defense, I am the one who noticed the tentpole’s serious structural problems and hired ‘Lost’s’ Damon Lindelof to fix them. If anyone should be blamed, it’s him.”
Hollywood is no stranger to dealing with the horrible results of poorly constructed tentpoles crushing executives. Last summer, the failure of two lazily made movies, Universal’s “Battleship,” and Sony’s “Total Recall,” caused millions of dollars in damage, and is responsible for the disappearance of actors Taylor Kitsch and Colin Farrell.
Authorities believe they will need to raise at least $400 million in order to ensure the survival of the Paramount executives, an amount unlikely to be raised, since no one wants to go anywhere near the dreaded tentpole.