On Tuesday's "The O'Reilly Factor," Bill O'Reilly referred to me as a "left-wing loon." (Video below) This was based on a recent blog post that devoted one whole sentence — actually, less than that, since he shared it with Sean Hannity — to Bill O'Reilly.
As I have noted before, O'Reilly is big on calling people loons, and likes to brand anyone who dares to criticize him as a "Fox news hater." Yet I have always marveled at his eagerness to publicize negative appraisals of himself that must leave his audience scratching their heads — so determined to lash out and settle scores that he veers way out of his lane.
Still, there are some nice things about being singled out for scorn on national TV. In fact, with apologies to David Letterman, here are the Top 10 Reasons to Relish Being Called "A Far Left Loon" by Bill O'Reilly:
10. It proves my theory that "The O'Reilly Factor" employs at least one producer whose entire job is simply Googling "Bill O'Reilly."
9. Generates emails from people who would be perfect if they ever do a remake of "Deliverance."
8. Gives me a good excuse to say "No" when some publicist calls asking if I want to write about one of those books he churns out every few months.
7. Instantly qualifies me for consideration to host a show between midnight and 4 a.m. on MSNBC.
6. Makes me appreciate the Variety paywall for who it helps keep out.
5. Exposes which of my friends or family members are secretly watching "The O'Reilly Factor" in their spare time.
4. Means my name will be the last thing a lot of nice old people hear before they clap off their TVs.
3. At least he didn't send that stalker producer guy to yell questions at me off note cards.
2. Gives legitimate "far left loons" reason to go to sleep feeling bad about themselves.
1. Reminds me that compared to the average Fox News viewer, I am relatively young, virile, and well-informed.