Actor Esai Morales Lists Hollywood Hills House

SELLER: Esai Morales
LOCATION: Los Angeles, CA
PRICE: $1,097,000
SIZE: 2,480 square feet, 4 bedrooms, 3 bathrooms

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: We received an unexpected and brief communique yesterday from Birdie Chirper who kindly and thoughtfully let Your Mama know that Brooklyn-born and bred Puerto Rican actor Esai Morales pushed his modest (if not exactly cheap) long-time residence in Los Angeles, CA on the market with a $1,097,000 asking price.

Mister Morales’s big Showbiz break—if it can be called that—came in 1987 when he was cast in the Richie Valens biopic La Bamba with Lou Diamond Phillips. He went on to appear in dozens of films and television shows (i.e. Naked Tango, Rapa Nui, L.A. Doctors, American Virgin), most of which Your Mama has never heard of before. Since the turn of the century Mister Morales has made a living and a name for himself primarily (but not solely) on boob-toob police procedurals and sci-fi thrillers like NYPD Blue, Vanished, 24: Day Six-Debrief, Jericho and Caprica. Most recently he was seen on the easily digestible cable program Fairly Legal and appears to have a shy handful of movies coming down the pike.

Property records reveal Mister Morales bought his house house in the Hollywood Hills near the top of Nichols Canyon way back in May 2000 for $749,000. Current listing information shows the single story residence—an architecturally unholy hybrid between a classic, William Mellenthin-esque California ranch and a gawddam barn—was built in 1957, measures 2,480 square feet and includes a total of four bedrooms and three reasonably well maintained but woefully outdated-looking bathrooms.

We really can’t say why after a dozen year Mister Morales has decided to sell his house in the Hollywood Hills but people often sell (and/or buy) homes due to death, divorce and diapers, otherwise (unofficially) known by most professional property purveyors as The Three Ds of Real Estate. As it turns out, salt and pepper-haired Mister Morales and his lady-friend Elvimar Silva made a baby together in late 2010 so, according to the accepted (but entirely unofficial) rules of celebrity real estate, that may (or may not) have something to do with it.

Anyhoo, once a person gets past the mousy front yard and the proto suburban-style front door, things get a teensy bit better in the living and dining rooms, divided by a massive, room-defining double-sided stone fireplace. Both have a vaulted and sky-lit wood beamed ceiling and wide banks of multi-paned sliding glass doors that link to the backyard and swimming pool.

The day-core, if it can be called that, consists of little more than a geometrically arranged capiz shell chandelier, a couple of this and thats hanging on the walls, and slim collection of sad, mostly beige and brown furnishings. Maybe Mister Morales isn’t much for day-core or maybe Staging Lady in a Pink Toyota has been up in there removing any furnishings, artwork and/or other personal items that might actually give the house a little personality but, right now, this is not a house that looks to Your Mama like it would make a very interesting dinner companion. You know what we’re saying? It’s not offensive, it’s just so plain, quotidian.

There are unassuming medium-brown wood floors in the living room that switch to polished paver tiles in the dining room that extend right on into the galley-style eat-in kitchen outfitted with faux-rustic pine paneling on the ceiling, lackluster wood cabinetry, and ecru-grouted cornflower blue tiles on the counter tops. Some of the upper cabinets have glass fronts for dish- and glassware display and the appliances are, at best, a ho-hum, medium-grade mix of black and stainless steel. Again, it’s not an entirely offensive situation, it’s just, well, there. Quite frankly, a little paint and elbow grease would do this kitchen a real damn decorative and design solid without having to go to the extreme expense of gutting it, which is what most of the children will undoubtedly think needs to be done to salvage the situation. We do appreciate the adjacent laundry room but think there’s an awful lot of doors in there for such a small space.

A long, dim and narrow Y-shaped corridor connects the main living areas to the bedroom wing where the master bedroom has a vaulted wood-beamed ceiling, pillow-lined bay window seat with view of the Chinese slate and red brick surrounded swimming pool, and sliding glass doors that lead to a more private part of the yard with a spa. Listing photos indicate—but we can’t confirm—a dressing area/closet-lined hallway joins the master bedroom to a dated and perfectly ordinary master bathroom.

Mister Morales’s house may be hard up on one of the more heavily trafficked streets in the (admittedly not very heavily trafficked) ‘hood but it’s also surrounded by some prime Tinseltown real estate. Some of the nearby homes and estates are owned by beau-hunk actor Jake Gyllenhaal, quintessentially L.A. artist David Hockney, former sitcom star Justine Bateman, bandleader Ricky Minor (who bought his house last year from sitcom star Katey Sagal), and filmmaker Quentin Tarantino who had big ol’ beef last year about obtrusive bird noise that emanates from next door neighbor screenwriter Alan Ball’s aviary.

listing photos: Coldwell Banker

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  1. Joe-Trenton, NJ says:

    Better late than never.
    Totally classless article.
    Furthermore, to sarcastically demean Mr. Morales acting accomplishments is extremely rude.
    Mr. Morales is a fine actor and his work outside of films should also be respected.
    I would have thought that VARIETY could have used much more professionalism in screening those that submit artices.

  2. Spend much time being cynical?

  3. Dan says:

    Your article, if that’s what you want us the readers to call it. It’s untasteful and lame. Too sarcastic and mediocre written if you ask me.
    If EM bought this ranch for a buck and wants to sell it for four bucks and a quarter to your gay brother, who really cares, really?
    He’s entitled to make, or not to make a profit on his property, or how he wishes!

    It seems that your parents, wasted it so much money on your education (if that’s what you want to call it) that they should be entitled for a full refound.

    Your poor writing sarcasm won’t get you pass other company’s doors, except this pathetic company you work for (id you want ti call ir work, that is!).
    Bottom line is that, you should take various writing skill classes, so you or your company that works for should be more profitable.

    Sincerely yours,

  4. Anonymous says:

    The inside’s fine. The front is not, but it wouldn’t take much to make it as inoffensive as the rear….

  5. Anonymous says:

    From the photos… this home looks like it has an amazing floor-plan, has been kept beautiful condition and stands true to it’s origin. My guess is that Esai’s home will likely sell in multiple offers well over asking. Celebrity listing agent, Thomas Magazeno, is a smart strategist with a history of selling his clients homes well over asking. Btw… Esai is an amazing actor and should have been nominated for his role in La Bamba! La Bamba is up there with some of the most iconic movies of a generation and should be in the Hollywood Hall of Fame. If you’ve ever met Esai or Elvimar you would know that they are humble, kind and generous people. I wish them all the prosperity in the world and top dollar for the sale of their beautiful home.

  6. Anonymous says:

    Photos of the hallway and laundry room really make the listing special.

  7. PebbleBeach says:

    It has potential for some nice updates. I think it should be priced closer to what he purchased it for.

  8. Anonymous says:

    I applaud your new policy, Mama, of simply removing insulting and offensive comments. No need for you to harbor haters.

  9. Anonymous says:

    Gyllenhaal actually has a home of his own? I though he always just roomed with his girl friend of the moment. Didn’t he live with Witherspoon until asked to leave and with Dunst until they parted company?

  10. Anonymous says:

    Don’t people put at least, say, some rugs down on bare wood floors? Otherwise you might skid and fall down and will certainly mark them up walking on them. I really hate bare wood floors.

  11. Rosco Mare says:

    Mama Dearest, I haven’t commented for a while only because getting past the anti-robot was too difficult with my iPhone.

    Regarding difficult people, take advice from me, a certified WASP, and just ignore them. That’s right, gurl, let them wonder why they will receive your Christmas thank you card…in March.

  12. Anonymous says:

    There’s way too much hatred going on in this blog. Whatever happened to the people who came here to respect and enjoy Mama’s analysis on what’s going on the celebrity real estate world? Doesn’t anyone appreciate real estate porn anymore?

    I agree with GoodWillHumping. There’s plenty of money to spent in better ways, but I would appropriate a few thousand to update the bathrooms. :)

  13. Anonymous says:

    This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

  14. GoodWillHumping says:

    See, I think that is a pleasant, reasonable house in a good location & so much better than the ostentatious garbage that passes for attractive right now. Not too big, no staff required, and you can use your money in better ways.

  15. l'il gay boy says:

    Grim & dated — an obvious teardown.

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