Only the Onion could take the latest poverty figures, wed them to TV’s obsession with demographics, and actually come up with something that’s as funny as it is depressing.
From their latest “news release”….
ONION NEWS NETWORK LAUNCHES NEW TV CHANNEL FOR THE POOR
“Onion Destitute Channel” Will Cater To Growing Demographic Of Americans Living In Poverty
NEW YORK, NY (September 15, 2011) – Following this week’s report from the U.S. Census Bureau that more Americans than ever are living below the poverty line, the Onion News Network is pleased to announce the launch of the “Onion Destitute Channel,” the first television network catering specifically to the poor.
“With the number of Americans in poverty rising for the fourth year in a row, there has never been a better time to tap into this rapidly growing demographic,” says Onion Programming Director Harris Zweibel. “For the 46.2 million of you barely making enough money to feed your children: Finally there’s a TV channel for you.”
ODC will offer an exciting mix of news and entertainment programming focusing on the poor lifestyle. Fashion show “Off The Rack,” hosted by laid-off Detroit bus driver Marcus Plath, highlights the hottest trends from TJ Maxx and the Salvation Army. Cooking show “Patti’s Kitchen” features disabled former autoworker Patti Clark teaching viewers how to whip up tasty dishes like ramen with ketchup, beans, and beans with ketchup. And home-improvement program “Ace Your Space” shows former interior designer turned scrap-metal-salvager Alan Robinson sprucing up real families’ cars each week to make them more livable.
ODC will also feature informative programs like “House Call” a medical show which instructs viewers without health insurance how to treat chronic injuries themselves using items easily foraged from dumpsters, as well as primetime sitcoms like “The New Crew” about a group of sexy single friends living in a housing project who are constantly stressed out and crying because they don’t have enough money to pay the rent and are frequently being robbed. Several suffer from rickets.
“The great thing about this network is that its viewership is guaranteed to increase steadily for the foreseeable future,” says Zweibel. “The only thing we are worried about is the economy improving. Hahahahahahahahaha. I am joking.”