Discovery Channel has a list of guy-oriented programming lined up for July that makes “Shark Week” look like TV for wimps.
The roster kicks off beginning July 9 with a special carrying the amusing title “Dino Gangs” — which explores whether Tyrannosaurus Rex hunted in packs and wore tattoos (OK, I’m making up that second part). Combining CGI with interviews with very excited academics, this qualifies as high-brow compared to everything else that’s lined up.
The macho assault starts in earnest on July 11, with the return of “Man vs. Wild,” with Jake Gyllenhaal guest starring opposite host Bear Grills. Somebody will doubtless make a joke about the last time Gyllenhaal appeared on camera alone in the woods with another manly guy, but it certainly won’t be me.
After that, there’s the second season opener of the martial “Surviving the Cut,” about special ops training. And on July 13, Discovery premieres “One Man Army,” a competition show in which military, extreme sports and law-enforcement personnel compete in various challenges designed to test them both physically and mentally.
“One Man Army” is kind of goofy fun, if only because former Green Beret Mykel Hawke hosts it as if he’s auditioning to become the voice of NFL football. He’s so stiff at times it seems like there’s been a rain storm and somebody needs to oil the sides of his mouth.
Still, the competition is kind of interesting, which includes shooting, breaking down doors and trying to figure out how to escape a jail cell. And with only $10,000 at stake for the winner, this has to be the cheapest elimination program in recent memory.
But hey, it’s all about the — grunt, snarl — competition and the glory, not the money. Hoo-rah!
Oh Discovery, I wish I knew how to quit you.