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weekend round up

1.
Somehow six time Grammy award singer and Dancing With The Stars alum Toni Braxton got her little ol‘ self in $10-50,000,000 of debt, filed for bankruptcy and lost her Henderson, NV house to foreclosure. Bitch, please. How does a person get in the hole to the tune of fifty million clams? Your Mama hates to dance on any one’s financial grave but, Tony, guurrrl, you shoulda reined your spendthrift ways a long damn time ago. Besides, you already filled for bankruptcy once before, in the late 1990s. We’ll give you a sympathy pass for the first time, but you get shit for the second go around, cause clearly you learned nuthin‘ from your first trip to that rodeo.

Braxton’s former crib, which she bought in May of 2007 for $2,600,000 according to property records, sits on a tight lot behind the gates of the Rio Secco Golf Club, measures 5,337 square feet, and contains 5 bedrooms and 4.5 poopers, a three car garage and a swimming pool. The home was sold in September for just $1,060,000.

2.
According to a lovely European press ladee who sent Your Mama a press release via the interweb, American basketball superstar Tony Parker picked up some deeluxe digs on Lake Geneva in Switzerland. That’s right, Switzerland.

True story: Your Mama used to a have a step-grammaw who was both a professor of economics and a little bit of a drug dealer who had a house in Switzerland, maybe near Lake Geneva. We never did go there ’cause she didn’t need any children around while she was conducting her bizness, but she would tell us how purdy the place was.

Anyhoo, according to the release, Mister Parker–who is married to Desperate Housewives‘ Eva Longoria Parker–snagged a condo at the ultra-posh and über haughty Du Parc Kempinski Private Residences, a boo-teek style condo complex carved out of a bee-yoot Belle Epoque building. Each of the 24 units will have access to all the hotel’s luxe facilities including indoor and outdoor swimming pools, private 16 seat cinema, cigar lounge, wine tasting room, and spa treatment room presented with the legendary fashion house Givenchy. Apartments will also have access to 5-star hotel amenities provided by one of three concierge services that will include valet parking, wake up service, babysitting and pet care, and butler and maid service.

No information was provided to Your Mama about what size apartment Mister Parker purchased, but according to marketing materials (and the press release) units will run from 200 square meter 2 bedroom apartments–that’s 2,153 square feet to all us Americanos–to dooplex dwelling with 6 bedroom in 690 square meters–that’s a sizable 7,427 square feet.

Listen butterbeans, we’re deeply appreciative that European PR Ladee was thoughtful enough to let Your Mama know what’s going down in the celebrity real estate world in Geneva, but we smell a PR stunt, don’t you?

3.
All you chickens who don’t want to be hearing about Tiger Wood’s ex-wife Elin’s recent house hunting expedition shut your shut your damn eyes and move on to the next item. According to, well, just about everybody, the recent deevorcee spent a few minutes touring a posh penthouse pad at the swank if architecturally anemic 16-unit Claridge condo tower in Tequesta, FL.

Listing information shows the 4 bedroom and 5 pooper penthouse measures 3,663 square feet and includes balconies and an a titanic terrace with unimpeded views of the Intracoastal Waterway, the Atlantic Ocean and the narrow strip of sand that makes up Jupiter Island.

Your Mama imagines ex-Missus Woods would love nothing more than to pack her kids into a private jet and move back to her native Sweden, but bless her heart for for agreeing to put some roots down in Florida so that her kids can spend time with their hussy luvindawg daddy Tiger.

4.
A little bit of throat cancer ain’t stopping Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta Jones from property shopping. According to the NY Post, Mister and Missus Douglas laid out around $5,525,000 for a brick built, center-hall Colonial style manse in Bedford, NY, otherwise known as Marthastewartville. The couple reportedly tested the real estate waters by leasing the 5 bedroom and 5.5 pooper house for 6 months before signing on the deed’s dotted line. In addition to the 6,300 square foot main house, the 5.7 acre spread includes a swimming pool, guesthouse, three car garage and a private pond.

As far as Your Mama knows, when they’re not doing the country house thing, the Douglas’ still shack up in the intimate, fabulous and expensive Second Empire-style Kenilworth building on Central Park West where other residents include Dick Cavett and John Lithgow.

5.
The sooblime Chloe Malle over at the New York Observer revealed this week that the buyer of New York City property flippers and reality television denizens Bob and Courtney Novogratz sold their downtown townhouse–a former gun shop, thank you very much–to George Soros‘ 2o-something year old son Gregory for $11,999,900.

The 25-foot wide 5 floor über urban residence includes 5 bedroom, 4.5 poopers and a roof terrace with basketball hoop enclosed by a steel mesh structure that resembles the cupola of the famed and ornate Police Building across the street.

Your Mama has said it before, ain’t life nice when your the lucky recipient of a generous billionaire parent’s largesse?

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  • Correction

    Correction

    1.Somehow six time Grammy award singer and Dancing With The Stars alum Toni Braxton got her little ol‘ self in $10-50,000,000 of debt, filed for bankruptcy and lost her Henderson, NV house to foreclosure. Bitch, please. How does a person get in the hole to the tune of fifty million clams? Your Mama hates to […]

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