Penelope Cruz Claims New Crib In the Post Office

Yesterday Your Mama discussed the soon to be former home of sophisticated ladee Candice Bergen located in a guarded and star studded enclave in Beverly Hills. One of Candy B’s many soon to be former celebrity neighbors that we mentioned in the course of our discussion is lezbionic actress (and Yale graduate) Sara Gilbert (Roseanne, The Big Bang Theory, ER, Twins) and her ladee-mate writer/producer Allison Adler (Chuck, Still Standing, Family Guy).

Well, chickens, buckle your safety belts because deep in the dark of the night Your Mama received yet another furtive missive from Leonard Leaksthenews informing us that the Sapphic spouses sold their 2,538 square feet house two weeks ago for $3,300,000 to none other than the Madonna of Madrid herself, Penelope Cruz. Your Mama was able to confirm the sale via property records but as best as we can suss out, the 4 bedroom and 3 pooper property was never on the open market.

Records reveal that Miss Gilbert and her luhbeezhun ladee-mate Miss Adler picked up the property in March of 2005 for $2,481,000 buying it from model maker Heinz Holba. Herr Holba may not be a household name for anyone outside the bizness of fashion, but he’s a certainly a force to be reckoned with in the cut throat world of modeling. Herr Holba, for any of the butter beans who might care, owns both L.A. Models and New York Model Management and between the the two companies Herr Holba represents a bevy of bean pole thin beauties including fresh faced catwalk queens Melissa Tammerijn, Patricia van der Vliet, Sigrid Agren, and Amanda Booth.

The children will recall that in late April of 2010 Your Mama discussed the trying to be Balinese residence in the Hollywood Hills that Miss Cruz currently owns and has on the market with an asking price of $3,450,000, reduced from its original price of $3,695,000.

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  1. Anonymous says:

    Where are the pictures of her new home?

  2. Anonymous says:

    For what’s it worth, the location of this “enclave” is Hidden Valley Rd. off upper Coldwater Canyon. It’s nothing special but it’s nice that the residents were able to put a guard at the entrance.

  3. i love this blog, hilarious, witty and ridiculous comments. If tom married penelope, would he be jumping on couches and shouting in spanish??

  4. Anonymous says:

    Melissa Tammerijn, Patricia van der Vliet, Sigrid Agren, and Amanda Booth look nearly identical to me.

    Somewhere in the Netherlands there’s a tiny village missing 4 very thin pale females.

  5. candi speling says:

    If she had married Tom Cruise, she would be Penelope Cruz-Cruise.

  6. Anonymous says:

    she has no taste in real estate as evidenced by her sunset strip home and now she pays 1500/ft for BHPO when market is at 560. what a dumbass

  7. Professor Ludvig Shetmilheiser says:

    My colleagues and I were at dinner last night discussing your blog and have decided that these celebrities you write about have an advanced form of real estate related ADD. We also concluded that one day science will recognize this disorder and credit Mama appropriately.

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