SELLER: Nick Lachey
LOCATION: Los Angeles (Bel Air), CA
PRICE: $6,800,000
SIZE: 5,214 square feet, 4 bedrooms, 4.5 bathrooms

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Exactly one month ago today, word secretly slipped down the celebrity real estate grapevine and into Your Mama’s inbox that former boy bander turned reality tee-vee star turned reality tee-vee presenter/producer Nick Lachey might be fixin‘ to list his Los Angeles, CA house located high in the hills above Bel Air.

Sho enuf cockadoodles, he has, and with a celebrity style asking price of $6,800,000.

Mister Lachey, once a member of the popular, successful, and depressingly cheesy boy bad 98 Degrees hasn’t had much professional success since busting out of boy-bandhood and getting a dee-vorce in 2006 from the also down on her professional luck singer Jessica Simpson. The beefy balladeer has released a couple of albums to little acclaim but he seems to be far better known for his brief flings with a bevy of high maintenance beehawtchas including Dancing with the Stars‘ Cheryl Burke and big booty pin up gurl/amateur porn star Kim Kardashian. Eventually Mister Lachey settled into a volatile on again/off again relationship with Vanessa Mannillo, a former beauty queen who currently hosts the downright distressing True Beauty reality program. Over the years, Mister Lachey and Miss Minnillo busted up more times than Your Mama has fingers and toes and they may or may not currently be couple. We don’t know and, frankly, we don’t care.

Property records show that in February of 2006, just before his highly publicized dee-vorce from Jessica Simpson was finalized, Mister Lachey laid out an even-steven $5,000,000 for a sexy bachelor pad on at the tail of a gated, private, and dead end drive in Bel Air. He purchased the property from brar and panty model/media mogul/baby factory Heidi Klum and her soul singing man-mate Seal Henry Olusegun Olumide Adeola Samuel. The salt and pepper pair subsequently moved to very privately situated and gated estate with a 6 bedroom and 9 pooper Mediterranean style mansion.

Listing information indicates Mister Lachey’s ridge top residence measures 5,214 square feet and includes 4 bedroom and 4.5 poopers. According to listing information, the interior spaces–all white walls, soaring expanses of floor to ceiling glass, and dark stained hardwood floors finished with an almost mirror like gloss–were recently remodeled and then all done up and did over by some sort of decorator with a confounding aversion to color that borders on obsession in every shade of beige, tan, brown, khaki and mushroom known to mankind.

A generously wide entrance gallery leads to the sunken formal living room that features a wall of floor to ceiling corner windows that give out to a gorgeous view, fireplace, white sectional sofa that wraps around an animal skin rug, a number of house plants, some artwork that barely qualifies as art as far as Your Mama is concerned, and one of those ubiquitous Buddha statues that can be found in far too many celebrity homes. What is it with famous folks and their damn Buddha statues? Buddha statues and Buddha imagery seem to be more common in celebrity owned homes–particularly in Los Angeles–than those god-awful paintings of pears and other assorted fruit frequently spotted in the homes of stars. We just don’t get it. Then again, Your Mama is not a Buddhist nor do we go for that body contorting yoga crap so popular with celebrities so having a Buddha in our house makes about as much sense as asking that box of hair Jessica Simpson to figure out whether tuna is fish or chicken.

There are several more pieces of “art” in the formal dining room that look like the sort of thing one buys at IKEA. The contemporary is well equipped if a bit dull and has black marble tile flooring, dark, dark, dark flat fronted cabinetry, white–or maybe it’s egg shell colored–counter tops that may or may not be Caesar Stone, and the usual compliment of high grade stainless steel appliances. There are both family and media rooms, both not surprisingly filled with velvety beige and brown things and built-in cabinetry designed to hold the over-sized boob-toobs. Mister Lachey, a well-known sports freak who owns a portion of a minor league professional baseball team in Tacoma, WA, displays some of his sports memorabilia collection on the wall behind the built-in wet bar in the family room and keeps a high tech drum set and some sort of video game machine in the media room. Why does it depress Your Mama so much to find a Pac-man machine–or whatever the hell that is–in the home of a fully grown, child-free man?

Anyhoo, as should be expected, the color-free decorative motif continues into the master bedroom where we find plush chocolate brown carpeting on the floor, putty colored grass cloth on the walls, and a whole mess of rust colored candles on the dresser, which no doubt are for when Mister Lachey wants to set a romantic mood for whatever ladee he’s currently wooing. A flat screen tee-vee is set into the wall near the ceiling, a location that would surely give Your Mama a crick in the neck were we to lay on the bet and try to watch that thing for longer than 42 seconds.

There are several patios and terraces that surround the house, off of which offer long views over the city, the canyons and towards the Pacific Ocean in the not too far off distance. The swimming pool, spa and main outdoor entertainment area is located in what is, for all intents and purposes, the front yard. The “L” shaped swimming pool has a raised spa on one side, a couple of freestanding covered bed nooks on another, chaise lounges on the third and a massive sunken bar tucked into the crook of the “L.” The sunken situation allows for swimmer to sidle up to the bar and snatch up a cocktail without ever leaving the swimming pool.

Your Mama hasn’t any idea why Mister Lachey might want to unload his beige and brown bachelor pad but we do think that iffin there are any celebs out there in the market for a six and some million dollar contemporary residence that offers wonderful seclusion and a perfect kind of privacy, we suggest they get up there quick to check this place out.

In addition to his hilltop bachelor pad in Los Angeles, Mister Lachey is said to maintain an apartment at the Atelier building in Midtown Manhattan–rumored to have been “lent” to Mister Lachey in exchange for publicity–and we’ve read on a couple of occasions that he also owns home in Tacoma, WA but we don’t know nuthin‘ about that and a cursory peep and poke around the property records turned up nada. Property records also show Mister Lachey co-owns a 4,374 square foot home in Cincinnati, OH with his father.

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