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Celine Dion’s Private Water Park

Buckle up your safety belts butter beans because some mind-altering new photographs of overly impassioned Canadian singer Celine Dion’s newly completed watery wonderland in Jupiter Island, FL are coming out and, lo-wurhd have mercy, is this place ever a doozy.

In June of 2005, Miz Dion and her May-December man-mate/manager Rene Angelil dumped $12,525,000 on a 3.7 acre ocean front spread on Florida’s fancy schmancy Jupiter Island. In January of 2008, they snatched up the undeveloped 2-acre lot next door for another $7,032,000. A few flicks of the well worn beads reveals that the wildly wealthy Miz Dion spent $19,557,000 on the two properties that combined total 5.7 acres. She then proceeded to knock down the existing structures and rebuild her own private water park with a mansion in the middle at a cost that surely ran to many millions of smackers.

Previous reports reveal the main house, a 2-story, Bahamas-style affair, measures 9,825 square feet and includes 6 bedrooms and 8 full poopers including a master suite with at least one private balcony, an outdoor spa, three fireplaces, and a 460-square foot closet/dressing area. The house, according to recent reports, also includes an octagonal, ocean view living room, a sound-proof tee-vee room, an elevator, and a basement level for laundry facilities and staff quarters. Oh dear. All it would take for Your Mama and the Dr. Cooter’s temperamental house gurl Svetlana to go all hara kiri is to tell her that Celine Dion, a woman so rich she could probably outspend the damn Pope, is relegating her live-in staff members to basement accommodations on a property plenty large enough to house them in separate, dignified, and above ground digs. It’s no wonder some of these staff people end up calling the tabloids and ratting out their employers. Do rich and/or famous folks really think they can stick the help in cell sized basement bedrooms and expect loyalty? Pleeze.

There are also two guesthouses including one with 8 damn bedrooms, an underground garage, tennis court, vast swathes of flat, green lawns that extend from the road to the beach, a poolside cabana, and an octagonal beach cabana where, it has been widely reported, Miz Dion will keep her body torture devices, otherwise known as exercise equipment. There are, according to previous reports, a total of 15 bedrooms and 14 full and 6 half poopers, enough that Mister and Missus Dion will surely need a full time terlit gurl.

But it’s the three swimming pools that really sets Miz Dion’s estate apart from all others. In addition to the rectangular shaped swimming pool between the main house and the ocean, there’s another vast paddling pool that butts up against the front of the house and includes a swim up bar and a gigantic gazebo that juts out into the water. Beyond that is yet another, free-form swimming pool complex with three bridges–or four, depending on how you count–two gazebos including one that is two full stories tall, a tree house like thing, two water slides, and some crazy thing called a “lazy river,” a meandering channel with a slow current that carries swimmers around the loop without them having to exert any effort.

Your Mama recommends that y’all consider poppin‘ a nerve pill and downing a stiff gin & tonic before doing so, but the new photographs can be seen by clicking here.

Property records show that the 5-time Grammy winning Miz Dion owns a 6,608 square foot mansion with 5 bedrooms and 5.5 poopers near Lake Las Vegas in Henderson, NV that was purchased in August of 2003 for $5,056,256. Unless she buys a bigger and better crib, Your Mama assumes this is where the currently preggers with twins ladee will live when she starts back at Caesar’s Palace in March of 2011 singing her heart out and pounding her chest like she’s giving herself the CPR. She also owns the property next door that includes a parking area, guesthouse, and a jungle gym or two for her young tot. Presumably she and Mister Dion also own a house in Montreal or somewhere around that area but Your Mama don’t know nuthin’ about that.

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