So I popped in "Tattoo Highway," an upcoming A&E series billed as "a television road trip through the cross-country travels of master tattoo artist Thomas Pendelton," slated to premiere May 27. As happens occasionally, the DVD malfunctioned, and I couldn't watch it.
At first, I was going to contact A&E and ask for another copy. Then I thought, "You know, why not leave well enough alone?" Look, I try never to prejudge things, but something tells me that I am not the intended audience for "Tattoo Highway." For starters, I think anyone that would cover himself with tattoos from shin to chin is a bleepin' moron, but maybe that's because I'm bitter about lacking the vertical leap to play in the NBA.
Moreover, A&E would have to go to the trouble and expense of sending me another copy, only to (probably) wind up taking the inevitably shellacking. Who needs that in this economy, right?
So let's just call this one a draw, OK? Although I'm not a religious person, take it as a sign that some higher power chose to intervene on both of our behalves. I get back roughly 43 minutes of my life that I can almost certainly put to better use, and you get a mention of the program on my blog without me pasting your show with words like "derivative" (Pendelton previously appeared in A&E's "Inked") or "tedious." Sounds like a win-win.
As a sign of my diligence, however, this is a one-time-only pass. And if I find out that people start sending me damaged DVDs on purpose in the hopes of earning similar dispensation, the next round of critical tattoos will definitely leave a mark.