You are slick, savvy and everyone's BFF

Dear @ryanseacrest —

Congrats on the best conversationalist nod. Without a doubt, over the last few years you have proven your ability to make conversation with just about anyone or anything. Be it a 15-year-old from Winnemucca who has pipes like Seal, or the mother of an insane female impersonator who thinks she is the next Mariah Carey and just got rejected big time by Cowell, you know how to talk to people. You even have a one-way conversation with the almost 2 million people who follow you on Twitter, as if they are sitting next to you.

It is a gift, and many people don’t realize how hard it is. Instead they are blinded by your stunning metro-sexuality and the clean, cool glint of your brilliantly white teeth. The sweep of your occasional faux-hawk makes the ease of your banter seem secondary to the charm of your hairdo, and that is your gift. Everybody feels as if they know you and can in some way be you. For some people, that can lead to prison time, but for most of us it makes you a trusted friend — that we have never met. And isn’t that what TV is all about?

And so, as your inevitable domination of the world’s radio, television and digital cable outlets continues to grow, dwarfed only by the highly publicized increase in your personal wealth, I wish you all the best. I don’t know who you are nominated against, but if you ask me, the fact that you are being featured in this prestigious Collector’s Edition Emmy Yearbook program tells me that you are clearly more special than the others!

All the best,

@redhourben (many less followers than you)

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