Housewife Hatcher offers wine wisdom

IT COMES AS A HILARIOUS RUMOR that Madonna has penned a song dedicated to her soon-to-be-ex, director Guy Ritchie, titled “Eternal Love.” Nope! Not that Madonna doesn’t believe in eternal love. Underneath her steely refusal to be publicly vulnerable she is a dedicated romantic. But she ain’t pining for Mr. Ritchie. They are civil and “amicable” because of their son, Rocco (and Guy is said to be fond of David Banda, the little boy from Malawi, not to mention Madonna’s daughter Lourdes). That’s as far as it goes. Madonna did offer two songs on her last album that seemed to reference Ritchie — “Miles Away” and “The Devil Wouldn’t Recognize You.” Neither indicated hope for their relationship.

Madonna has written a new song, “Celebration,” that will be a part of her coming greatest hits collection, a massive effort that is also titled “Celebration.” This set will include most of her most famous videos as well. It will be La Ciccone’s final album for Warner Records, her home label for 25 years.

DESPERATE HOUSEWIFE Teri Hatcher has her own way of maintaining skin that looks oh-so-kissable in low-cut gowns in broad daylight. She adds a glass of red wine to her bath each night. She believes the antioxidants in the vino help fight off bacteria on her skin, giving it a touchably healthy glow.

“PEACE AND QUIET is for cemeteries,” said somebody — Bette Davis, I think, a woman whose entire life was a self-propelled battle.

The gorgeous Catherine Zeta-Jones perhaps agrees with this sentiment. Recently, Mrs. Michael Douglas stayed an extra 10 days at their beach house in Bermuda after Michael took the kids, Dylan and Carys, to New York as he prepares for the sequel to “Wall Street” and that Liberace biopic. (I’ll believe that one when I see it.) At first, Catherine was blissful in her solitude. Pretty soon, however, enough was enough. One can gather only so many seashells by the seashore.

She phoned her good friend, hairdresser Lorenzo Martin and said come on down to Bermuda, honey, I’ll pay! So he did (who wouldn’t?) and they had a ball, walking on the beach, tanning, shopping, eating out. Oh, and gossiping, natch.

When the fun week was up, Lorenzo returned to the Jose Eber Salon in L.A. to mess with the manes of the rich and famous. Catherine flew to NYC where she and Michael will spend the remainder of the year. The kids will be enrolled in a private school in Manhattan.

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