SELLER: Johnny Knoxville
LOCATION: Primrose Avenue, Los Angeles, CA
SIZE: 3,744 square feet, 4 bedrooms, 5.5 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: Classic Med Villa in Beachwood Cyn w/panoramic city views. This walled & gated estate has been totally renovated w/exceptional elegance. The main house features 3 bd, 4.5 ba, living rm w/dramatic circular stairs, fp, gourmet kit w/custom cabinets, granite & ss appliances opening to media rm/fam rm + attached FULL guest apart w/1 bd, 1 ba, kit & liv rm. Terraced grounds offering 3 levels of entertaining, including infinity pl, pl house w/bar, outdoor fp & grass.
YOUR MAMAS NOTES: In August of 2008 Johnny “Jackass” Knoxville sold his house on Hollyridge Drive above Beachwood Canyon for $1,816,000. Of course, Your Mama don’t know nuthin‘ from nuthin‘ but we presume that sale had something to do with Mister Jackass getting the dee–vorce from his long time Mrs. Jackass, fashion dee–ziner Melanie Cates.
Property records show that much prior to that sale, in March of 2005, Mister Jackass purchased another house, this one on Primrose Avenue in the Hollywood Dell area of Los Angeles, for $2,060,000.
Now then, firstly, we know some of you deranged neighborhood name police types are going to get all cross-eyed and red-faced and start hollering about how this house on Primrose Avenue is not in The Dell. We know. Your Mama is well aware that technically this house is not in The Dell. However, according to Hollywood Dell Civic Association, the eastern edge of this property is in fact the dividing line between The Dell and Beachwood Canyon. So it’s practically in The Dell. It’s Dell adjacent. Okaaay?
Secondly, property records would indicate that this house on Primrose Avenue, which has just arrived on the market with an asking price of $2,295,000, is actually owned not by Mister Jackass but by the ex-Mrs. Jackass.
Whatever the case, the three story Spanish casa measures 3,744 square feet and according to listing information includes 3 bedrooms and 4.5 poopers in the main section of the house and another bedroom and terlit in the separate guest unit which also has a living room and kitchen which is nice if you want to encourage your guests and in-laws to move in on your ass.
The children will note the generic quality of the interiors which consist of a truckload of upholstered white furniture and a few dozen lap blankets tossed willy-nilly around the house, both sure signs the place is staged. So let’s not even get into how uncomfortable that horned llama statuette sitting on the living room floor behind the sofa makes Your Mama or how badly we want to squeeze that little orchid on the dining room table with our fat fist until it’s pulp.
According to property records, the 3,744 square foot house was built in 1929 and includes a large living room with a high beamed ceiling, fireplace and a wall of windows that drags the eye out towards the panoramic view. Up a handicapped unfriendly steps is the dining room which is open to the large but somewhat awkwardly laid out kitchen with its dark wood cabinets and black bull-nosed granite counter tops.
Your Mama rather likes the master bedroom with the high ceilings and twin orb pendant chandeliers made of capiz shells. Also appealing is the row of sliding doors that open to a small terrace which is, thankfully shaded by an awning which helps with the blistering late afternoon southern California sunshine. We do like all that grey-veined marble in the master bathroom but we’re not so pleased with the view of the roof from the bath tub and we absolutely loathe this bathroom trend of bowl like sinks.
For a steep hillside lot, the outdoor areas are both many and generously sized. A courtyard at the front leads to the ivy covered front facade. At the rear, several rooms open to awning shaded balconies and at the main level living room opens to a large terrace with glittery views of Tinseltown. At the lowest level a narrow Moroccan themed sitting room includes a pool bath and wet bar and opens to the flagstone pool deck where an outdoor fireplace makes for an perfect spot for making Smores. A circular spa hovers over the infinity edged swimming pool which cascades down to a large lower level entertainment terrace which in turn tumbles down to a long and narrow flat grass pad where a gurgling fountain is flanked by two shaded trellis areas. Listen chickens, all this outdoor space is truly delicious, partick in a hillside property, but Your Mama would have a damn heart attack getting up the 4 or 5 flights of stairs from the lawn area on the lowest terrace all the way up to the front door.
None the less and despite the high-grade Home Despot interior dee-zine, this is a good house and Your Mama predicts it will sell quickly. We would not bet our long bodied bitches Linda and Beverly on it, but still, we predict.
It has been reported that after selling his house on Hollyridge Mister Jacksass and his then new gurly-pal moved just a couple doors down from the ex-Mrs. Jackass. Since we seldom know anything about ice water, Your Mama does not know if that is true or not. However, we have it on very good authority that ex-Mrs. Knoxville has fixed that proximity problem by decamping to a contemporary crib so high above Laurel Canyon it’s practically in Studio City.