A Little Real Estate Crazy With Your Morning Coffee

Once it was confirmed that British ex-pats Dave and Vicki Beckham are indeed packing up their tea sets and moving to Milan, it was only a matter of time before the real estate crazy train that surrounds their every move got underway.

The most recent real estate rumors swirling around the internets are that teeny tiny Tom Crooz and his mousy wifey Katie want to buy Sexy and The Spice Gurl’s Beverly Hills mansion. The reports seem to stem from a story in Star Magazine which we can’t locate online and which reported that the Crooz couple want to buy the Beckham’s 6 bedroom and 9 bathroom house and use it as a damn guest house. The article quoted someone as saying, “They would use the place for visitors, but they don’t want to spend much more than $15 million.”

Queen, pleeze! That’s just preposterous. Your Mama is seriously skeptical of all these unsubstantiated canards and we suggest the children also look at them stories through squinted eyes and furrowed brows because above and beyond it’s sheer unbelievability factor, there are some glaring errors that toss a dark cloud of suspicion over then entire story.

Firstly, A little look-see into the property records clearly reveals that Sexy and the Spice Gurl paid $18,200,000 for their 6 bedroom and 9 bathroom mansion and not the reported amount of $22,000,000. There’s really no excuse for that error unless the rumor was printed without even the appearance of fact checking.

Secondly, when the British Beckhams bought their single story sprawler in the Spring of 2007, the pound was way up and the dollar was way down, which means they’d be fools not to grab a deal at fifteen million clams because, with the exchange rate at the time, they really only paid like 10 or 12 million max for the place so 15 million would put a couple million in their pocket.

Thirdly, A quick perusal of an easily accessible internet map shows that Tom Crooz and his posse of handlers, minders, family members and Thetans do not live “around the corner” from Sexy and the Spice Gurl. The Beckham’s 13,149 square foot house sits up a long driveway off San Ysidro Drive, which is west of Coldwater Canyon Drive and the Crooz clan’s crib sits up a long driveway off Calle Vista Drive which is east of Coldwater Canyon. It might only take 5 minutes to drive their Bentleys back and forth to each other’s houses for Saturday night Scrabble tournaments, but they are most definitely not “around the corner” from each other.

It makes sense that Sexy and the Spice Gurl want to sell their house and maybe those crazy Crooz’s do want to buy a fancy guest house near their own ritzy residence. However, we’d bet our long bodied bitches Linda and Beverly that the Crooz’s are not buying the Beckham’s Beverly Hills house.

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  1. […] does take a lot of time preschool potty training policy and endurance, it is rather like raising an infant human except a lot easier in the long run.Does […]

  2. […] after meals, prior to their particular bedtime. Let him wear material diapers instead while you are potty training 3 year old boy refuses potty-training him. All of us prepared all of them a few days before simply by saying that the […]

  3. J-Lo says:

    They aren’t moving to Milan – David is playing there for the rest of this season and then returning to the Galaxy. Their plan is to buy an MLS team when he is done playing which would give them plenty of reason to stay put.

  4. Dr. Kervorkian says:

    Hey Joe, don’t forget our Friday appointment!

  5. Scott Peterson says:

    Hey Joe, wanna go fishing with me?

  6. :{ avg joe says:

    you dont know what you are talking about !!!!

    ok 5 million is off. it will be 3 million.

  7. Anonymous says:

    Average Joe really is a mess. He doesn’t know what he is talking about; the houses are NOT each “around the corner.” San Ysidro is accessed off of Benedict Canyon. Calle Vista is accessed off of Doheny Road or Schuyler. And a $5,000,000 price tag is ludicrously off-the-mark. Get a clue, Joe!

  8. Anonymous says:

    Re our little potty-mouthed prick… yes, I think something went horribly wrong in the potty-training phase of his development.

  9. Your Mama says:

    no, we’re not tolerating that crap. we’re removing what’s truly hideous, even though it only seems to enrage our little potty mouthed prick to certifiably sociopathic proportions.

  10. Anonymous says:

    Ok Mama, so now we’re going to have racial slurs? You REALLY need to reconsider your “hands off” position with the children.

  11. Anonymous says:

    1119 calle vista is still on the westside estate agency’s website as for sale.

  12. Anonymous says:

    I think there maybe more to this story and its mis-reported.

    While I highly doubt the Cruises would buy the Beck’s house… recently there were 2 properties boarding the Cruise Estate both of which disappeared from MLS recently. Perhaps the truth of the Cruises looking for a second property is that they snatch one of the two up.

    1119 Calle Vista – a 7,100 sq ft 6 bedroom 7 bathroom house directly to the north of the Cruise property sitting on 1.44 acres that celebrity real estate agent Kevin Huvane has been trying to unload for an eternity. Marketed as an extensive reno or tear down it was $14,995,000

    1109 Calle Vista – directly to the south this property. Mid-Centry modern house of 4,354 sq ft located on a double lot with tennis court. I believe it was in the $12-13mm range.

    Make up your own mind.

  13. Anonymous says:



  14. Anonymous says:

    After all the Gay Cruise rumours, you would think someone could come up with some hard core evidence that he is. ……….like Travolta coming out of the gay korean sauna…….now that was convincing.

  15. Gorgonzola Jones says:

    oh gosh do you think the tommy girl wants the house for other “guests”, if you catch my indelicate drift?

  16. Anonymous says:


  17. :{ avg joe says:

    the houses are around the corner frome each other. i used to rent a house there from a old actress and i know the roads. they should only pay 5 million.

  18. angeleyes says:

    I trust your instincts Mama and your reasoning makes sense. My 2¢: the Beckhams have money enough to easily maintain homes on multiple coasts. Since I get the impression the Cruz and Beckham clans are close friends, I’ll hazard a guess and say that tips the balance in favor of them deciding to keep their LA home.

  19. Anonymous says:

    Private jets here and there at the drop of a hat….. makes my pathetic attempts to recycle and consolidate errands look rather useless.

    Such excess.

  20. Anonymous says:

    Are the Beckhams even looking to buy in Milan? I haven’t read that anywhere other than the [usually wrong] trashy magazines …

    I really doubt Victoria would live in Milan, it’s one of the harder European cities to live in & Italy is one of the harder European countries to live in – If they do indeed all move back to Europe I would expect her & the kids to live in the U.K [either at their estate outside London or they’ll buy a new place in London] & he’ll commute back & forward on private jet … It’s 1hr40m from Milan to London, not long. Also, when they lived in Madrid she was pretty much always back in the U.K & they went back & forward weekly on a private jet – Fairly easy to do in Europe.

    I don’t think they’ll sell their L.A house just yet … I think if they do move back to Europe they’ll keep it – They already own much larger estates in the U.K, France & I think they still have their estate in Madrid … not to mention their property in Dubai & of course their house in LA … just b/c they don’t live in it doesn’t mean they’ll get rid of it & they’re surrounded by smart managers, accountants etc.. so they’ll know it’s not the best time to shift a $20M Beverly Hills property …

  21. Sid says:

    “queen pleeze!”……damn i love my Mama!

  22. Anonymous says:

    dint I just read in the NY Observer (or somewhere) that Crazy Cruze and his Toy Robot Wife have supposedly bought even more of their bldg on East 13th St? The American Felt (or some other textile) Bldg? As long as they stay on the other side of Fifth, I’m fine with it. They certainly are materialistic for such a spiritual pair.

  23. Anonymous says:

    I’ve seen in many of our UK tabloids (known to be utter rubbish) show the N Alpine Drive property purchased by Jeff Bezos as their house and The Cruise’s old rented house or their new house and pointed out using maps how close they live. Maybe this magazine believes they live their aswell, who know?

    That $22m figure was what was initially reported before the records cleared and it seems to have stuck.

  24. Anonymous says:

    I call bullshit. If the Cruise’s wanted a guest house, there is a house for sale ON Calle Vista that they could buy. Who would buy a guest house this far away? Also, the house directly next door was for sale at the same time as Tom bought his, I don’t know if it sold but that would seem like the ideal purchase. But, I doubt they’re looking to buy at all. Oh, and isn’t Kevin Huvane looking to unload a fixer upper on Calle Vista too behind Cruise’s house?

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