I haven’t decided which task is more difficult: The job of “American Idol” producers attempting to fill a five-minute show with an hour’s worth of content, or attempting to fill a recap about said content.
In this hour, “Idol” attempts to keep viewers tuned in with iTune plugs, a singalong, a video, a song-writing contest, the return of Kimberley Locke, questions from the viewers and, of course, giving one hopeful the boot.
So, what were the highlights?:
- Not a one of those kids can dance? Did you watch during the singalong? Kristy does this weird limp-wristed thing with her left hand, Brooke has moves like Elaine Benes and Jason dances like Axl Rose.
- Carly denies reports that she’s pregnant and admits that she wore Spanx on Tuesday night. And Seacrest knows exactly what Spanx are. Oh my.
- Idol once again offers a chance to failed singer-songwriters to pen a tune for the finale. After a clip of Jordan singing last year’s ditty, I’m starting to think this is not that hard of a task.
This is the first line of the song,
It’s about how life can be hard.
But don’t worry, I‘’ll come along,
By using rhymes that will embarrass the Bard.
This is the chorus,
This is the chorus
I won “Idol” and scored a Ford Taurus,
This is the chorus.
In the second verse, I’lll sing about hope,
And namedrop Jesus or God,
If I’m desperate, I’ll mention the Pope,
I’ll try not to make the rhymes too odd.
This third verse has a big high note,
Where I prove how awesome I am.
I remind viewers that I have a golden throat,
And show the world this isn’t too much of a scam.
I think I missed my calling.
Kathy: By God, Erin, I think you’re on to something. With a little polish I think we could actually submit that. And perhaps sell it on iTunes, which has a deal with “Idol,” in case you hadn’t heard. Maybe we can add a line about mall openings and county fairs in the winner’s future? Or how finishing third or fifth seems to pay off? Which segues nicely into…
- Kimberley is doing great. She’s lost weight, owns a restaurant, and reaffirmed there is life outside “Idol” that doesn’t involve the TV Guide channel.
Kathy: I always loved Kimberley and believe to this day that she should have won season two. Great to see her doing so well. But that dress made her look as if she’d gained weight not lost it. It might be the most unflattering dress I’ve ever seen.
Erin: According the TMZ, Christian Siriano from “Project Runway” designed Kim’s dress.
Kathy: Oh, that explains it. And reaffirms that I was right about Christian not being able to design for anyone but Posh.
At the end, Sanjaya’s, er, I mean Kristy’s jingoistic ploy worked and she once again ducked the ax, which hit Chikezie square in the face. Bye Chikezie, I’ll miss you and your one awesome song. Chikezie can now go dust off his orange suit and reclaim his discarded surname and return to his previous life.