Review: ‘American Idol: Not a moment too soon’

Is it me, or is the sky bluer? It seems bluer today. And the birds are singing sweeter and louder than ever. Even food tastes better. I am just overwhelmed by a sense of well-being. Everything seems right in the world. I wonder why that is? Oh wait...

Erin: Is it me, or is the sky bluer? It seems bluer today. And the birds are singing sweeter and louder than ever. Even food tastes better. I am just overwhelmed by a sense of well-being. Everything seems right in the world. I wonder why that is? Oh wait…

Last night, the powers that be heard my prayers and Kristy was booted off the show. I know Kristy has a lot of fans, so never fear. She cushioned her fall from grace with a sparkly new engagement ring and by hitting the road, so this won’t be the last we see of her. Be sure to check your local county fairs and horse shows to catch her two-step renditions of ‘60s pop classics.

So while the recession, soaring gas prices and the housing market might have us all down, as least Kristy is no longer in the running to becoming our next “Idol.” Thank you, America. I applaud your choice. I think we’re ready to have ourselves an election now.

Kathy: Not just you Erin. This is very good news, indeed. The sun is a giant lemon drop and unicorns and fairies are frolicking in the fields. And I believe I heard bluebirds and chipmunks speaking to me this morning. Or maybe it was Asia’h and Michael Johns celebrating the happy, happy news. Kristy is finally riding off into the sunset. Oh wait, she can’t “ride off,” she sold her horse? Remember?

Erin: This season, “Idol” has really perfected the art of the mind game. In the beginning, Ryan has folks stepping to the right and the left of the stage with no clear definition. You had Carly on the right side, but David C. on the left. Was he in the bottom three? But he cried? Doesn’t crying score points with chicks anymore? Has America grown dead inside? But than Ryan swapped out David C. with Syesha, and all was right in the world again.

At one point, he placed David A. in the middle and made him the star of “Idol’s” version of “Sophie’s Choice.” “Join the group you think are the top three,” taunted Ryan. As contestants have done in past seasons, David sat in the middle of the stage, unable to choose between his son or his daughter, a move that endeared him to the last five teen girls in the world who were still left undecided on the “David is so hot” political hotbutton issue that’s been dividing the country.

Syesha, Brooke and Kristy were in the bottom three. I had no issues with this. None at all.

Kathy: Amid all my celebrating, I finally pinpointed what’s wrong with “Idol” this season. It’s turned into “Queen for a Day” with all the sob stories. They hardly have time for singing anymore what with all the crying and tales of woe: missed weddings, sold ponies and whatever’s bothering David C. this week. The kids are just all so melancholy and weepy. I long for the days of happy-go-lucky goofballs like Kelly Clarkson; life-can’t-get-me-down optimists like Fantasia; or smiles that could light up the stage, like Ruben’s. Heck, even Taylor Hicks was more enjoyable to watch than this clinically depressed bunch. Who told them the way to get votes was to play “whose life sucks the most”?

Erin: My favorite moment of the night? Mariah. The perf was fine, but the best part was the interview with Ryan after the song. It seemed the only point of the one-on-one chit-chat was to highlight how magnificence of Mariah’s hair. She had some wind machine action going on where it was lightly blown back at all times. It was amazing. She’s really an inspiration. When I become rich and famous, I want to followed around with a fan so that I always look like I’m shooting a video. And I want to be professionally lit at all times. I can picture it now: eating at the Ivy, or shopping at Buffalo Exchange, with my lighting guy Gary and my wind guy Burt…

Kathy: Was she wearing a skort? And, Erin, did you know she was so tall?

They used a Queen song for the Ford video?! Producers, do you just hate me? What did I ever do to you?

Well, it’s looking more and more like an all-David finale, don’t you think?

Next week, Andrew Lloyd Webber and songs the kids have never heard before.

American Idol: Not a moment too soon

Fox; Wed., 9 pm
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