Sorry for missing last week everybody, there was an unfortunate Tivo incident at my house and I wasn’t able to watch until Sunday.

Sorry for missing last week everybody, there was an unfortunate Tivo incident at my house and I wasn’t able to watch until Sunday.

Let me recap episode two for you: It was boring. Want more? Oh, OK.

The show’s home base moves back to New York. I guess they ran out of Hollywood Hills mansions to pimp? The two innovations this season are the Fab Cab, a giant Hummer taxi that shepherds the contestants around town. Evidently we’re done with the “green” theme from last cycle, then? Also Tyra Mail now arrives on one of those electronic message signs that looks like the CNN crawl. It’s quite a treat to hear 14 girls read inane messages aloud one word at a time, let me tell ya.

The girls took a tour of Manhattan, ending up in Times Square, where they did a Badgly/Mischka runway show. Miss J has her work cut out for her this season because most of them need a lot of work on their walks.

Fatima started making enemies early, beginning with Marvita, who is going to be my favorite, I believe.

There is no reward challenge, unless you count being ripped to shreds by Paulina Porizkova a reward. That’s what happened when the girls visited Elite for an assessment of their potential. Paulina tells them things like “You have bad skin,” “You look like a drag queen” and “You have a squished face.” Nice.

The photo shoot involves homeless youth and the girls pose as homeless people and are surrounded by actual homeless kids dressed in couture. Fatima and Marvita come to an understanding because they’ve both experienced homelessness in their pasts. And the feud seems to end there. Also, they both nail their photo.

At judges panel, Paulina is introduced as this season’s new judge, replacing Twiggy. That must fill the “drag queen” contestant with confidence! Little blond Kim announces that she just isn’t excited about modeling or fashion in general and so Tyra sends her home, just like that. Wow. Also Atalya got sent home before I was even able to form an opinion about her. And we’re down to 12

Now you’re caught up.

Last night on “America’s Next Top Model”

Catfight of the week: Not satisfied with just one enemy, Fatima starts in on Allison, who’s not exactly a sweetheart either. They have an extended tussle over who has the bigger ass. Then Allison acts out their fight using Barbie dolls and racist remarks and loses any shred of respect I might have had for her. Also Allison can’t stop talking about how much modeling experience she has. I hate her.

Reward challenge: Taxi to Wal-Mart where they get 5 minutes to shop in the CoverGirl and make up their face. Allison and Fatima are both just sure they have this one in the bag and I squeal with glee when the CoverGirl rep calls them both out as being the worst. Claire rocks the challenge and her face will appear on Walmart.com’s CoverGirl page. Let’s hear it for product placement!

Makeovers: Woo hoo! I love this part. This year there are no tears, except for Fatima and that’s because she’s in pain from the weave, not because she hates the look. All the girls embrace their looks this cycle. Where’s the fun in that, show? There are lots of long, blond weaves and almost everyone gets a new color. My favorites are Claire’s Susan Powter style blond buzz cut and awkward Lauren’s blond weave with red highlights. What doesn’t work so well is plus-size Whitney and Anya’s new blond locks.

Photo shoot: The girls model Elle Macpherson intimates on a yacht in the harbor. Elle is the most nurturing supermodel they’ve ever had on this show, plus she doesn’t talk about herself constantly like Tyra and Paulina do, so that’s a plus. The most entertaining part of the photo shoot was Allison’s incessant bragging about how she “nailed it” and “kicked ass.” Yeah, not so much.

Judges panel: Told that she looks “soft and pretty,” Allison replies with “I know!” and seals her fate. Lauren and Marvita’s photos are best and the elimination comes down to Dominique, who thinks she’s “high fashion” but keeps getting told she’s “commercial,” and Allison who’s too snobby to be believed. Allison is out. Yay! Also out, I have a feeling, are the stylist who dressed Whitney and the colorist who did Dominique’s hair. Let’s just say Miss Tyra wasn’t happy with either of them.

Tyra’s most over-the-top moment: Probably the “Tyra vision” where she mimicked each contestant during the makeovers. But making Nigel grab her booty came close.

Early faves: Clair, Marvita, Whitney

Can’t wait to see them go: Anya, Katarzyna

America’s Next Top Model: Cycle 10 - Episode 3

CW, Wed. 8:00

Production

A 10 by 10 Entertainment production with Pottle Productions and Ty Ty Baby Productions.

Cast

Related links: Season Pass
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