John Malone

The season preem of each cycle of “America’s Next Top Model” is a throwaway episode to me. We get to know some girls who don’t make it to the top 13 (or, er, 14 this season); we don’t get to know girls who make it; and we aren’t made to care about any of them yet.

The season preem of each cycle of “America’s Next Top Model” is a throwaway episode to me. We get to know some girls who don’t make it to the top 13 (or, er, 14 this season); we don’t get to know girls who make it; and we aren’t made to care about any of them yet. Ultimately we end up with a collection of pretty girls who fill the same slots every year: the nice one, the mean one, the angry one, etc. Honestly, this show doesn’t really kick in for me until makeover week.

The school theme they use throughout the episode wears thin quickly, never moreso than with Tyra’s over-the-top homecoming queen act. We get the usual walking lesson from Miss J (school marm is not her best look), then the girls pose for photos. And then there are some catfights and violent threats. Yawn.

Then we get to casting panel, probably the most interesting part of any episode one. The various hard-luck stories include abuse, single motherhood, boyfriend in Iraq, has tried out for ANTM eight times (um, move on?), grew up Mormon, married at 17, and then one I hope to never hear again: female genital mutilation for the contestant from Somalia. Yikes. Also, one girl is drinking her own breast milk while separated from her child. Maybe having an infant at home is a reason to not participate in a reality TV contest? Just a suggestion.

A bunch of girls we don’t know are eliminated and then the ones who are left, whom we also don’t know, are photographed again. Let’s get on with naming the top 13, er 14, shall we? Oh but first we are entertained by the various criticisms thrown out by Miss Tyra and the J’s (sounds like a 60s band!): too old, bad voice, too perfect, pretty girl but not a model, doesn’t want it badly enough, bad walk, too ghetto, too sexy and sucks in her cheeks, plus size (but what a pretty face). Wow they’re harsh.

And here are the 14 lucky wannabe models:

  • Allison
    Looks Like: Sarah Silverman
    Slot she fills: Sassy

  • FatimavLooks Like: Iman
    Role she fills: Superiority complex

  • Katarzyna
    Looks Like: Pick any Eastern bloc model. Let’s go with Paulina PorizkovavRole: Eastern European egomaniac

  • Kimberly
    Looks Like: A little like Reese Witherspoon, but exactly like Ambyr Childers, who plays Colby Chandler on “All My Children”
    Role: Raw talent

  • Stacy-Ann
    Looks like: Kimberly Elise
    Role: Pollyanna, will get along with everyone

  • Amis
    Looks like: Lisa from a couple cycles back
    Role: Class clown with no class

  • Aimee
    Looks like: Nobody and everybody
    Role: Religious and conflicted

  • Claire
    Looks like: Julia Stiles
    Role: Single mom. Also global warming warrior

  • Whitney
    Looks like: Carole Alt, with meat on her bones
    Role: Plus size but confident

  • Marvita
    Looks like: Chris Rock
    Role: Angry, possibly violent, black woman

  • Lauren
    Looks like: Martha Plimpton
    Role: off beat and out of her element

  • Anya
    Looks like: Gaby Reese
    Role: Verbally challenged

  • Dominique
    Looks like: Vanessa Williams
    Role: Overconfident but probably insecure

  • Atalya
    Looks like: A little like Joy Bryant
    Role: Who knows? I don’t recall seeing her the whole episode. She must be the stealth contestant

America's Next Top Model: Cycle 10 - Episode 1

CW, Wed. 8:00

Production

A 10 by 10 Entertainment production with Pottle Productions and Ty Ty Baby Productions.

Cast

Related links: Season Pass

Filed Under:

Want Entertainment News First? Sign up for Variety Alerts and Newsletters!
Post A Comment 0