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‘Survivor: Micronesia’: Erik hearts Ozzy

So here is the good thing and the bad thing about having a TiVo. The good thing is that you can trust the TiVo to record every episode of the show you’re watching, even if something silly happens like CBS switching said show to Wednesday night. The bad thing is that when CBS does something silly like switch “Survivor” to Wednesday nights, your TiVo just assumes you’ll notice and doesn’t, like, tell you. So, um, sorry about the day delay.

At the Malakal camp, Tracy and Ozzy are fighting over whether or not to kill the chickens for meat, as opposed to letting them live and eating their eggs. Ozzy interviews that they have plenty of food and it doesn’t make sense to kill a renewable resource. Tracy complains about how Ozzy catches the food, cooks the food, and tells people when to eat it. If eating meals on someone else’s schedule is that big a problem for you, Tracy, maybe you should cook the food yourself? That’s what my mom used to tell me, anyway.

Seriously, Ozzy, buddy, if you have to get rid of anyone this week, do me a favor and make it Tracy? She’s boring the crap out of me. Eliminate her, and it’s a win-win situation for everyone. Well, except for Tracy, who will lose. But I’m comfortable with that.

At the Airai camp, Kathy and others complain about the rain. James complains about the people complaining about the rain. RIVETING TELEVISION, HAPPENING RIGHT HERE. Please oh god can we set something on fire soon?

Back to Malakal, where Erik is drawing up sketches for his “I heart Ozzy” tramp stamp. Though, when Erik tries to prove his coconut-gathering prowess, the moment takes on a slightly competitive “All About Eve” quality. “Whenever [Erik] says Ozzy’s name,” Cirie interviews, “it’s like stardust comes out of his mouth. Ozzy. I think that if Ozzy were to propose marriage to Erik right now — [claps hands] — done deal.” Oh, Cirie. Keep that up, and I’ll be getting my own tramp stamp in your honor.

Jeff shows up! He asks if we’re ready to get to today’s reward challenge. HELL YES. Except, of course, that it’s another crush-the-tiles-to-acquire-puzzle-pieces-because-god-forbid-a-challenge-emphasize-mind-over-body-or-vice-versa challenge. Plus, no fire. Sigh.

96611_d8451This time, to crush the tiles, four team members are blindfolded while wheeling a giant Micronesian money wheel through the jungle, while guided by a sighted team member. And Malakal, unburdened by Chet, wins it! Huzzah for Malakal. It’s been a long time coming. They win showers, so there’s a whole bunch of naked happening. Cirie abstains.

Back at Airai, Kathy is not enjoying the differences between watching “Survivor” on TV and actually being on “Survivor.” Apparently, when she applied to be on the show, she didn’t quite process that there is some amount of reality involved in being on reality TV. So Kathy decides to quit. That’s right, for the second week in a row, we lose someone halfway through the episode. Kathy lets something slip about how her sister pressured her into being on the show because “she wants to live vicariously through me.” That’s going to be an awkward Thanksgiving dinner, right there.

Immunity challenge time! Because it doesn’t matter how many people we lose on the way to tribal council — if Jeff doesn’t get to snuff someone’s torch every three days, he gets cranky. This time, the puzzle pieces are on a pier in the ocean, and need to be dragged to shore via a tow line before being assembled by two other teammates. Ozzy, with a little assistance from Erik, gets all of Malakal’s puzzle pieces to shore way before Airai manages the same task. But then Amanda and Cirie get blocked on the actual puzzle and Airai wins it.

Time for the Malakal who’s-going-home dance. Ozzy hears my prayers and immediately decides that they should all vote for Tracy, but Amanda and Cirie want to get rid of Erik, before Ozzy and Erik’s Love That Dares Not Speak Its Name consumes the entire island. Ami, meanwhile, knows that if Ozzy continues to have his way, she’ll be out soon enough. So she tries partnering with Tracy to take down Ozzy — but in order to for their plan to work, they need to get Erik with them. And while they don’t really show Erik talking at all about that decision, they do show Ami reconsidering her plan and talking to Cirie and Amanda some more. They don’t show her talking to Tracy. I start crossing my fingers.

At Tribal Council, while Jeff lays out the votes that eliminate Tracy, I finally figure out what’s been bugging me about her face. I know you want to look good on TV, honey, but there’s such a thing as too much collagen. Tracy takes it well, all things considered, though she keeps referring to Ozzy as manipulative in her out interview. Sometimes, I really think no one has ever watched this show before. Did you expect anything different?

Next week: The body count continues to mount. I thought we’d all start feeling safer when Joel was voted out. I thought wrong.

–Liz Shannon Miller

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