The season preem of each cycle of “America’s Next Top Model” is a throwaway episode to me. We get to know some girls who don’t make it to the top 13 (or, er, 14 this season); we don’t get to know girls who make it; and we aren’t made to care about any of them yet.
The season preem of each cycle of “America’s Next Top Model” is a throwaway episode to me. We get to know some girls who don’t make it to the top 13 (or, er, 14 this season); we don’t get to know girls who make it; and we aren’t made to care about any of them yet. Ultimately we end up with a collection of pretty girls who fill the same slots every year: the nice one, the mean one, the angry one, etc. Honestly, this show doesn’t really kick in for me until makeover week.
The school theme they use throughout the episode wears thin quickly, never moreso than with Tyra’s over-the-top homecoming queen act. We get the usual walking lesson from Miss J (school marm is not her best look), then the girls pose for photos. And then there are some catfights and violent threats. Yawn.
Then we get to casting panel, probably the most interesting part of any episode one. The various hard-luck stories include abuse, single motherhood, boyfriend in Iraq, has tried out for ANTM eight times (um, move on?), grew up Mormon, married at 17, and then one I hope to never hear again: female genital mutilation for the contestant from Somalia. Yikes. Also, one girl is drinking her own breast milk while separated from her child. Maybe having an infant at home is a reason to not participate in a reality TV contest? Just a suggestion.
A bunch of girls we don’t know are eliminated and then the ones who are left, whom we also don’t know, are photographed again. Let’s get on with naming the top 13, er 14, shall we? Oh but first we are entertained by the various criticisms thrown out by Miss Tyra and the J’s (sounds like a 60s band!): too old, bad voice, too perfect, pretty girl but not a model, doesn’t want it badly enough, bad walk, too ghetto, too sexy and sucks in her cheeks, plus size (but what a pretty face). Wow they’re harsh.
And here are the 14 lucky wannabe models:
Looks Like: Sarah Silverman
Slot she fills: Sassy
- FatimavLooks Like: Iman
Role she fills: Superiority complex
Looks Like: Pick any Eastern bloc model. Let’s go with Paulina PorizkovavRole: Eastern European egomaniac
Looks Like: A little like Reese Witherspoon, but exactly like Ambyr Childers, who plays Colby Chandler on “All My Children”
Role: Raw talent
Looks like: Kimberly Elise
Role: Pollyanna, will get along with everyone
Looks like: Lisa from a couple cycles back
Role: Class clown with no class
Looks like: Nobody and everybody
Role: Religious and conflicted
Looks like: Julia Stiles
Role: Single mom. Also global warming warrior
Looks like: Carole Alt, with meat on her bones
Role: Plus size but confident
Looks like: Chris Rock
Role: Angry, possibly violent, black woman
Looks like: Martha Plimpton
Role: off beat and out of her element
Looks like: Gaby Reese
Role: Verbally challenged
Looks like: Vanessa Williams
Role: Overconfident but probably insecure
Looks like: A little like Joy Bryant
Role: Who knows? I don’t recall seeing her the whole episode. She must be the stealth contestant