The rags-to-near-riches saga of "Goal!" has turned into a risible riches-are-awful tale in "Goal II: Living the Dream," which is sure to land in the cellar of the sequels league.

The rags-to-near-riches saga of “Goal!” has turned into a risible riches-are-awful tale in “Goal II: Living the Dream,” which is sure to land in the cellar of the sequels league. Hero and ace soccer player Santiago (Kuno Becker, reprising) learns that fame and fortune aren’t everything — indeed, they bring nothing but trouble. Fans will laugh at the myriad technical errors as pic covers a typical Champions League season, though superstars from Beckham to Rodinho are wisely kept silent. A certain zed on theatrical pitch can be expected to precede a few goals in vid.

Santiago, a top Newcastle player supported by manager Glen (Stephen Dillane), is traded to Real Madrid and its dazzling cadre of superstar talent. Adjusting to Europe’s Yankees is tough enough without stresses from long-distance nurse fiancee Roz (Anna Friel), seductive come-hithers from sexy TV host Jordana (Leonor Varela) and annoying appeals from poor little Enrique (Jorge Garcia Jurado), who claims Santiago is his brother. Teammate Gavin (Alessandro Nivola) introduces Santiago to the good life, but in a series of ridiculous plot developments, things get a lot worse before they get better.

Goal II: Living the Dream

U.K.-U.S.

Production

A Peace Arch Entertainment (in U.S.) release, presented with Genius Entertainment, of a Milkshake Prods. (U.K./U.S.)/Lawrence Bender Prods. (U.S.)/Scion Films (U.K.) production. Produced by Mike Jefferies, Matt Barrelle, Mark Huffam. Executive producers, Lawrence Bender, Jeff Abberley, Julia Blackman, Stuart Ford. Co-producer, Danny Stepper, Jo Burn, Raquel de los Reyes, Henning Molfenter. Directed by Jaume Collet-Serra. Screenplay, Mike Jefferies, Matt Barrelle, Mark Huffam; story, Jefferies, Adrian Butchart.

Crew

Camera (Deluxe color), Flavio Labiano; editor, Niven Howie; music, Stephen Warbeck; music supervisor, Becky Bentham; production designer, Joel Collins; costume designer, Lindsay Pugh. Reviewed at AMC Beverly Center, Los Angeles, Aug. 29, 2008. English, Spanish dialogue. MPAA Rating: PG-13. Running time: 115 MIN.

With

Kuno Becker, Stephen Dillane, Anna Friel, Leonor Varela, Rutger Hauer, Alessandro Nivola, Elizabeth Pena, Jorge Garcia Jurado, Frances Barber, David Beckham, Ronaldo, Zinedine Zidane, Robinho, Thierry Henry, Freddy Ljungberg, Cesc Fabregas.
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