What if Secret Service did the same for Hollywood?
Just when we thought the election of Barack Obama had taken the comedy out of politics, along comes the Secret Service and puts it back in.Bless their hearts. The federal musclemen have let it be known (through channels, of course) that the new prez has been code-named “Renegade” — perhaps for his ability to win Southern states. Wife Michelle is “Renaissance,” with the kids “Radiance” and “Rosebud.” Evidently, all members of the family must begin with the same first letter — sounds like the U.S. bodyguards are addicted to NPR’s Puzzle Master. Still, if the Secret Service can steal from Orson Welles, why can’t showbiz take a page from the government handbook? Cable News Family: Bill O’Reilly — Firefox Keith Olbermann — Fireback Anderson Cooper — Floodplain Lou Dobbs — Fencepost See? The feds are really on to something. Family of Comedy: Adam Sandler — Everyman Judd Apatow — Everywhere Jon Stewart — Everyday Albert Brooks — Einstein Media Mogul Family: Sumner Redstone — Par Excellency Leo Kirsch — Patcher Upper Rupert Murdoch — Printerfamilias Silvio Berlusconi — Prima Facie Family of Note: Quincy Jones — Quintessential will.i.am — Quasi-present Eminem — Quid pro quota 50 Cent — Quarterback With liberals in power, the important thing is the spirit of the law. Moviemaking Families Family: Coen Brothers — Hudsuckers Pang Brothers — Bloodsuckers Wachowski Siblings — Oneseekers Farrelly Brothers — Sploogemakers Family of Counterintuitiveness: Tina Fey — Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger — Shrek Leading actors: Meryl Streep — Nominee Tom Cruise — Valkyrie Leo DiCaprio — Iceberg Jodie Foster — Lambchop Maybe they’ll take care of the credit crisis next.
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