SELLER: Bob and Sheree Whitfield
LOCATION: 5525 Long Island Drive, Atlanta, GA
PRICE: $2,850,000 (off market)
SIZE: 8,903 square feet, 6 bedrooms, 8 full and 2 half bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: Benecki built resale home on large private gated lot. Quality throughout, nanny suite with separate entrance located over garages.
YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Listen children, we know what you are thinking and we do not want to hear it. Your Mama is well aware we are scraping the bottom of the celebrity real estate barrel here. But, see, we just can’t help ourselves. Unfortunately for y’all, we woke up with a burning need to discuss the real estate doings of a smarmy Georgia peach named Sheree Whitfield who recently listed her suburban Atlanta mansion with an asking price of $2,850,000.
If the children will put on their reality tee-vee thinking caps they will recall that Miz Sheree Whitfield–whose claim to fame is that she is the ex-wife of pro-footballer Bob Whitfield–recently appeared on the hair raising boob-toob pièce de résistance The Real Housewives of Atlanta.
During each episode of this masterpiece of reality television, we were treated to Miz Sheree prancing her over-sized ego all around Atlanta in her her giant Range Rover acting as if she was the classiest and most dignified high society bee-hawtcha that ever walked the damn Phipps Plaza mall. Pleeze. And do not even get Your Mama started about Miz Sheree and her nascent “She by Sheree” clothing line because we would hate to burst Miz Sheree’s self-indulgent bubble by saying that being a hardcore hobby shopper does not a fashion designer make.
Well children, the laws of gravity say that goes up must come down and according to the gossip grapevine, poor Miz Sheree is going down. Not only is she in effect being booted from her Atlanta mansion, some Atlanta-based scuttlebutters are snickering that she’s bouncing checks all over Atlanta. Oh dear. Now puppies, we don’t know if that shit is true or if it’s just a bunch of wagging tongues, but it is what folks are whispering about Miz I’m So Much Better Than You.
Property records for the Whitfield’s 1.81 acre estate on Long Island Drive NW show it was purchased in August of 2000 for $2,395,000 and the snarky children will note with some righteous eyebrow raising that the property was owned solely by Mister Whitfield and that Miz Sheree’s name never appeared on the paperwork for the property. That’s right puppies. Neh. Vah. Which means, of course, Sassy Sheree never actually owned the house and was merely squatting there until her dee–vorce was settled. Well, ain’t that interesting?
Anyhoo, listing information for the house Sheree calls home shows it measures in at a good sized 8,903 square feet and includes 6 bedrooms and 8.5 bathrooms, a count which we assume includes the nanny quarters above the garage.
In addition to the ballroom sized living room with its elaborately stenciled ceilings, dark stained wood floors and King Arthur-esque furnishings, the sprawling English cottage style mansion includes a modest sized dining room with a faux paint treatment, all manner of crystal lighting fixtures and, gack!, red velvet curtains that look to Your Mama like something she purchased at a yard sale of an upscale bordello in Reno, Nevada.
Besides the copious knickknacks cluttering up the counter tops, the bronze colored ceiling, all that stoopid crap shoved up in the ceiling corners and the bird’s nest up in the chandelier, the fully equipped kitchen really isn’t so bad. The stainless steel appliances includes twin dishwashers, a mac-daddy Viking range and a double wide SubZero refridgerator/freezer, all good things.
The commodious but low ceilinged family room features more faux paint treatments, a giant beige sectional sofa, an intricately carved and ass uglee coffee table and and even uglier pool table with crazy carved up legs. Somewhere in the house is a home gym with all manner of exercise contraptions of the sort Your Mama scrupulously avoids, a fully mirrored wall where Miz Sheree can admire her toned and tight middle-aged boo-tox, and another faux paint treatment on the walls. Listen Miz Sheree, let Your Mama give you a word of deco-raytin‘ advice. Just because you like the faux paint treatment your nice gay decorator did in the dining room does not mean you should have him do up the entire house that way. Your Mama’s boozy pal Fiona Trambeau calls that sort of thing, “Flooding the car.” Think about it.
The gated grounds include a crushed stone driveway which terminates in a small motor court where the front door stands opposite the four-car garage. Out back is a large and attractive rectangular shaped swimming pool surrounded by a stone terrace that includes an outdoor fireplace and peek-aboo views of a small pond.
Listing information now shows the Whitfield house is currently “off market.” We don’t know if that means Sheree is stayin‘ put or if, more likely, it means she’s a little peeved about the publicity she’s getting for having to so publicly downsize her lifestyle. Them’s the breaks when you put yerself on tee-vee Miz Sheree.
Naturally, Your Mama does not have a clue where Miz Sheree will reside when and if this house gets sold but we’re pretty sure that her be-weaved blond gurl friend Kim Zolciak would let her and the kids shack up in her 3,396 square foot condo on Bent Tree View in Duluth, GA that records show she purchased in January of 2006 for $486,000.
Listen puppies, we know we sound like a catty bitch talking nasty about Miz Sheree. And we are. However, there is nuthin‘ more loathsome to Your Mama than a person who will (fake) smile at your face and then turn around and wag his or her vicious tongue to anyone with ears. And that’s exactly what Miz Sheree did week after week on the first season of The Real Housewives of Atlanta. And we can hardly wait until season two begins to see more bee-hawtcha back-biting and learn more about Miz Sheree’s lowered circumstances.