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UPDATE: Michael “The White Lady” Jackson

Get ready kids, because here we go, following the tragedy that is Michael Jackson all up and down the East Coast while he looks for a place to live.

According to a July 4th article on Forbes.com (via Perez Hilton), the Jackson family has come to the East Coast looking for a vacation home in Maryland. Maryland? Whaaaaat?

According to The White Lady’s spokesperson, a Miz Raymone Bain, Jackson is drawn to the East Coast because, “He’s always admired the properties on the East Coast because they have a lot of land. Neverland has 3,000 acres – he likes privacy. You can’t find as many properties like that on the West Coast.”

In the same article on Forbes, Miz Bain, who probably gets paid in sequins and epaulets, states that The White Lady is the “head of a vast corporation.” Hmm. Does anyone besides Your Mama think it’s a little odd that the head of a vast corporation RENTS rather than buys?

But you know what hunnies? Michael Jackson has done cooked his goose, so it’s not his disturbed ass that concerns Your Mama, but those three lily white blond children of his. When they get a little older they should call up Kelsey Grammer‘s kids and form a support group for children with rich, famous, and peripatetic parents.

Ya’ll should trust Your Mama when we say that this Michael Jackson story can only end in tears.

Sources: Forbes, Perez Hilton

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