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Suzanne Saperstein Rides Again…

SELLER: Suzanne Saperstein
PRICE: $75,000,000
LOCATION: Kuehner Drive, Simi Valley, CA
SIZE: 123 acres, 12,500 square feet (approx.)
DESCRIPTION: The finest world class equestrian estate on approx. 123 acres, built in 2004, just 40 mins from Beverly Hills! Beautiful Mission Revival style mansion (apporx. 12,500 sqft designed by Richard Robertson), 6 guest houses, 10 staff houses, substantial “hunter jumper” equestrian facilities…3 pvt water wells, water treatment & distribution system, 2 fuel storagee tanks (gas & diesel, 500 gal each). Public utilities & solar energy, as well as helipad.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Y’all know the hysterics we went through looking at the spectacle that is “Fleur De Lys,” the Holmby Hills house that billionaire deevorcée Suzanne Saperstein has on the market for a staggering $125,000,000. Rumors have long been circulating that the middle aged, couture clad glamazon also wanted to sell “Hummingbird Nest Ranch,” her 123 acre Simi Valley getaway. And just this morning we received an email from the Texas Tipster who pointed us to the listing for the sprawling equestrian complex which has hit the market at a whopping $75,000,000.

Your Mama was thoroughly scandalized and upset to the point of tears by the obscene and vulgar display of wealth we saw with the Holmby Hills mansion. The whole notion of building a grandiose and gargantuan house modeled after Versailles seems silly, tacky, and the very definition of nouveau riche. But because we like to give credit where credit is due, we confess to much more positive feelings about Miss Suzanne’s Simi Valley manse than we do about the behemoth that is “Fleur De Lys.”

Although the sprawling Spanish style house is tremendous by any one’s standards, it’s still a fraction of the size of “Fleur De Lys.” The listing for the quasi-rural property states that the main house measures approximately 12,500 square feet. Other promotional materials we’ve seen for the property state the residence has approximately 17,000 square feet. We’re not sure why that discrepancy, but given Miss Suzanne’s well known penchant for excess square footage, we’d wager that the larger figure is more accurate.

Your Mama has not been able to locate information that states the number of bedrooms and bathrooms in the main house. We have heard through the grapevine there are 6 bedroom suites, but please, don’t anybody quote Your Mama on that because it’s just hearsay at this point. If anyone in the know would like to confirm for Your Mama, please feel free to give us a shout.

What is not hearsay is that the property includes half a dozen guest houses. Each of the guest units, individually decorated in Holiday Inn chic, include 3-4 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms, living and dining rooms, full kitchens and laundry rooms. They are so well outfitted and at such a distance from the main house, that there’s practically no need for Miss Suzanne to ever see guests unless they’re summoned to the big house. To be honest, the guest houses look like ordinary Simi Valley tract houses on the outside. However, one of them, called “Sitting Bull” is a lovely brick residence from the 1920s. Perhaps this is where the more favored guests are housed?

In addition to the half dozen guest houses, the listing states there are ten staff houses. TEN! Which of course makes a certain amount of sense. It takes a lot of hands to run a private world class equestrian resort like this. But children, just imagine the massive payroll the Miss Suzanne is responsible for every month. No wonder she’s selling this place. We would too. What single lady wants to be responsible for 10 live-in households? A lady can go through a big deevorce settlement right quick with those sorts of financial obligations.

Your Mama does not need to tell the children that we are repulsed by the garish decor and over blown architecture of “Fleur De Lys.” But this house, we’re feeling complimentary about. You can keep all the horsey riding rings and barns (we’d sooner ride the bus than a horse any day), and no, of course we would never choose rose colored velvet chairs for the dining room or any other room for that matter. But the architecture of the house itself is really quite lovely.

We expect to see this sort of classic Spanish architecture in Santa Barbara and Montecito, but it surprises us a bit in Simi Valley. But then again, what does Your Mama know? After all, we have never actually been to Simi Valley, and in fact the only reason we know anything about Simi Valley at all is because it is where the Republican powers that be built the Reagan Library. An odd location to be sure, but sufficiently out of the way so that Your Mama will never have to bear the mortification and indignity of laying eyeballs on the place.

The interior spaces have been meticulously designed to look as if the house has withstood the test of time, when in all actuality, it was built in 2004. While the decor is pretty much the antithesis of how Your Mama does up our own living spaces, we are grooving on those apricot colored couches in the living room. They’re fussy. But they’re also gorgeous and totally appropriate for this room. And unlike the antique furniture museum that is”Fleur De Lys,” this actually looks like a room that one could curl up with a big bowl of frozen yogurt and read the tabs.

Your Mama has no interest in a wing back chair like is featured in the master bedroom, but we are mooning over how decadently comfortable this room looks. We would never consider a giant tufted ottoman for our own bedroom or lay out apricot colored chenille lap blankets at the foot of the bed. None the less, Miss Suzanne’s team of nice gay decorators have done this room up gorgeously. And the vaulted ceiling is totally swoon worthy.

“Hummingbird Nest Ranch” is not just a home. It’s also a business. Which in some ways explains the huge number of guest houses and the excessive equestrian facilities. Miss Suzanne rents the place out for weddings and other corporate functions, hosts charity events as well as equestrian shows and competitions. Ad if you’re a horsey type in Simi Valley and really lucky, you can board your horse in one of the barns that hold dozens of purebred ponies.

We have heard a rumor, just a rumor kids, that Miss Suzanne is going to pack her G5 and decamp to a villa outside Paris or perhaps Luxembourg or Switzerland where taxes might be more favorable for the filthy rich deevorcée. But here’s what we really want to know: If Miss Suzanne got the big house in the Holmby Hills and the sprawling ranch in Simi Valley, where is the Mister Saperstein living? Anyone?

Sources: The Sunday Independent

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