SELLER: Stacy Keach
LOCATION: Park Marbella, Calabasas, CA
SIZE: 4,200 square feet (approx.), 5 bedrooms, 5 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: Across the street from the Calabasas Commons, brand new remodel in 2007. Beautifully designed home is 5 bedrooms, 5 bathrooms and approx. 4,200 sq feet. Open floor plan, light and bright, new bamboo floors, new windows, french doors, countertops, and appliances throughout, airy and exceptional amount of natural light. Breathtaking landscaping in both front and backyards, large 3 car garage, private and gated estate.
Now, if the children will sit down and wander back into the recesses of your minds, y’all will recall that we discussed Mister Keach’s previous house, a sprawling Mediterranean manse in Malee-boo back in early March. The Winding Way property was sold by Mister Keach to his brother James and his sister in law Jane Seymour, who renovated the place and currently have the property on the market for $11,995,000, a $1,000,000 reduction in price since we first discussed the property. At one point, it was rumored that troubled lip-syncher, vajayjay flasher, single mommy Britney Spears was looking to lease the place, but we have no confirmation that any papers were signed.
After the Prison Break actor and wifey Malgosia sold their Malee-boo manse, they moved out to Calabasas where they purchased this large home in a gated development that borders the Calabasas Golf and Country Club. Property records indicate the couple paid $1,690,000 in June 2006.
The listing states the home was renovated in 2007, so it appears that Keach is looking to flip the property at a substantial profit. Marketing materials refer to the house as “Chateau Provence” which seems a little bit of a stretch to us. Your Mama has been to Provence, and this is most assuredly not what Provence looks like. We can’t imagine anyone mistaking this house in a suburban development as being anything other than a Mediterranean style house in a suburban development.
We are quite sure there are heaps and loads of people who dream and pine to live in a multi-million dollar suburban tract home. And that’s fine for them. But this sort of cookie cutter neighborhood where the house next door looks just like your house which looks just like the house across the street which looks exactly like the house around corner is not for Your Mama. Moving into a tract house like this would ensure that our next move would be to the insane asylum.
The interior of the house looks light and bright, which is a good thing. But it is strangely devoid of furniture and decor. The placement of the not very interesting furniture looks like it has not been touched since the movers brought it all into the house and dropped it willy-nilly throughout the house. In fact the interior of this house is such a snooze that Your Mama is at a total loss for words except to say that we sincerely hope the Keach family will take some of the proceeds from selling this house to hire themselves a nice gay decorator to get up in their next house and help them pull it all together into a comfortable cozy home that looks like a place in which someone would actually feel comfortable living.