YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Settle down children, spiky haired and gravelly voiced singer Rod Steward is not selling his massive Beverly Hills house. But we have a few photos of the interior that we thought we’d share with ya’ll so that you could see the lavish and opulent old world grandeur in which the aging rock star and his various children live.
The gargantuan estate occupies 4 acres in the uber swank, guard gated community of Beverly Park. Anyone who reads this blog already knows that Your Mama has an unhealthy obsession with Beverly Park. An obsession that goes so deep that we have compiled a comprehensive list of the occupants of every address in the development.
Mister Stewart and his third wifey, Penny Lancaster, live in one of the more celebrity heavy sections of Beverly Park, with neighbors such as reluctant baby daddy Eddie Murphy, Jami Gertz, Martin Lawrence, Sylvester Stallone, Paul Reiser, and mega rich octagenarian Sumner Redstone, who single handedly attempted to bring down the career of creepy Tom Crooz. If anyone were to ask Your Mama, and of course no one did, we think the Crooz family should live up in Beverly Park. Given Crooz’s security concerns and need for significant square footage to house the family members, nannies, and Scientology minders that live with TomKat and TomKitten, a 20,000,000 square foot mega mansion in Bev Park might be just the thing.
Anyhoo, even though Mister Stewart often states he has six children, there are actually seven (Sarah, Kimberly, Sean, Ruby, Renée, Liam, and now Alastair) by five women. How rock star is that? The first born, Sarah Streeter, was given up for adoption 42 years ago and apparently father and daughter don’t have very friendly relations. The newest Stewart, Alastair, was born in November 2006, which means that sixty-something year old Mister Stewart will need to be pushed in a wheelchair in order to attend the child’s college graduation. Of wait, that’s right, despite daddy’s vast fortune and ability to pay for the most expensive schools, his children, none to wisely, have opted out of attending university in exchange for dating aging rock stars with large appendages and acting a complete fool on reality television programs.
Anyhoo, we’re not here to discuss the total disregard for higher education of the Stewart clan, not to mention heaps and hordes of Hollywood scions who forgo a formal education, but rather Your Mama is here to discuss the tremendous house in Beverly Park where the Stewart children have grown up surrounded by gazillions of dollars worth of antiques. To be honest, Your Mama did not know what to expect from the interior decor of Mister Stewart’s big yellow house in Beverly Hills. What we did not imagine was that he’d be living up in a house decorated like that of a old school Park Avenue doyenne or a rail thin, Chanel clad San Francisco society bitch.
Your Mama is breathless at the sheer drama and faux nobility of this distinctly American palace. Obviously Mister Stewart is a pretty cultured guy, or at the very least, his team of decorators are pretty cultured, but we can’t help but wonder how it is that a man who places no expectations of higher education on his children desires to live around objects and artworks that clearly require a more educated and trained eye to appreciate.
Personally, we find the house a bit frightening and more like hotel than a home. We cringe at those regal red drapes in the room with the red furniture, we’re puzzled by all the busts and statuary, and the complex carpet patterns strain our eyes and make us dizzy. Your Mama is totally freaked out by the painting in which a big scary bird seems to be swooping in on a nekkid baby as if to feed on it’s nubile young flesh.
There appear to be so many living rooms in the house, we count four in the photos, that just choosing a room to enter and occupy must take enormous amounts of brain power. And quite frankly, none of them look like the sort of place one could sit around in worn out underpants eating ice cream and watching the distressing but strangely compelling Dancing With The Stars.
Deep in the recesses of our failing memory, Your Mama remembers watching an episode of MTV Cribs where they visited Kimberly, the Stewart daughter who is reportedly screwing around with Tommy Lee, and about whom we are shocked to learn is 28 years old. Twenty eight? Good grief, by her juvenile behavior we expected her to be 22. Max. Anyhoo, at the time Miss Kimberly was living in the guest house of the estate. Absent a steady income and ability to pay her own tab at Kitson and Fredricks of Hollywood, Your Mama imagines she’s still there. Anyone know the scoop there?
Listen, Your Mama does not begrudge Mister Rod Stewart his big house in Beverly Park, or even the over the top decorating scheme. To each his own when it comes to spending money on housing and decor. But Rod, sweetie, you still have a few young children that you can instill with the responsibility of wealth and the importance of a solid education. If after college Ruby and Liam and the rest want to vomit on national television or expose their hoo hoos to the tabloid photographers, so be it. But at least they’ll know a little something about the extensive collection of art and furniture you’re one day going to leave behind.