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Melissa Etheridge Unloads in the Hidden Hills

SELLER: Melissa Etheridge and Tammy Lynn Michaels
LOCATION: Saddle Creek Road, Hidden Hills, CA
PRICE: $4,995,000
SIZE: 6,837 square feet, 6 bedrooms, 6.5 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: Country estate up a long private drive to a secluded hilltop location. Total privacy and fabulous views highlight this celebrity home. Featuring a private tennis court, set among towering pines and generous pool yard with surrounding views. Apx. 6,837 sq. ft., 6 bedroom, 6.5 bah, with cozy granite center island kitchen, hardwood floors, high beam ceilings, downstairs master suite with stunning new bath, featuring travertine marbles, steam shower, freestanding tub, dry sauna, dual water closets, fireplace, and more.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Although Your Mama has a mess of messy relatives visiting, including a couple of keeidz who whose hands we gotta continually swat away from the computer, we endeavor to bring the children a little celebrity real estate gossip amidst the chaos that our usually quite quiet apartment has become.

Today we head back out to Hidden Hills to discuss the house on Saddle Creek Road that is being sold by two of the more famous lezbeeuns in the world of Hollywood, rockstar royal Melissa Etheridge and her ladee lover acturuss Tammy Lynn Michaels, who is probably most well known for playing a bitchy high school girl on the short lived and screamingly camp Popular, and before she became huge with babies in her belly, Miz Michaels did a short stint on the L Word too, natch.

Back in May, the Sapphic duo quietly paid $5,100,000 for a new single story Hidden Hills house on Round Meadow Road which property information shows measures 6,505 square feet with 5 bedrooms and 7 bathrooms. Which sounds comfortably commodious until you remember that these two are practically drowning in young children. Tammy Lynn (who doesn’t love a gurl with two names?) recently birthed twin babies who will likely require a nanny or two, and Miz Etheridge shares custody of two other children from her previous lezbiahnic relationship with hasbian Julie Cypher who has since scandalously married a man. So that’s a lot of people to be living up in one house.

Anyhoo, a recent report in Ruth Ryon’s Hot Properties column in the Los Angeles Times revealed that the May-December, well okay, May-September maybe, couple moved from one Hidden Hills house to the other because they wanted more space for the kiddies. But strangely, the old house on Saddle Creek Road was slightly larger at 6,837 square feet with 6 bedrooms and 6.5 bathrooms. If you ask Your Mama, which of course no one did, the Saddle Creek Road property offered a better and more private location. Plus is has a tennis court which the new property in “the flats” section of Hidden Hills does not, despite its 1.4 acre lot.

Ever since Miz Ryon’s little report, all the world’s real estate gossips have waited on pins and needles for the ladees to put their Saddle Creek Road house on the market, and lo and behold, here it is. Sitting high on a looking over the rich denizens of this guard gated horse friendly community, the ivy covered house has an asking price of $4,995,000.

The family room is far too country for our personal taste, and we don’t care one bit for that intricately detailed parquet flooring, but the cathedral-esque front entrance hall is stunning with it’s high peaked ceiling and deevoon raised wood paneled walls. The voluminous living room offers a warm fireplace and long views out over the hidden hills. Despite the troublesome floor, Your Mama imagines that a good gay decorator could really work this place into something smart and comfortable.

The kitchen, again not our personal sense of style, appears none the less to be well appointed and we are thrilled that Miz Etheridge’s kitchen designer managed to find a proper spot for the microwave oven. Your Mama is just so tired of seeing all these multi-million dollar houses with $150,000 kitchens with a microwave oven right on the damn counter. Seriously, that is not okay. We also note the dreaded pot rack. Pot racks are another of those kitchen implements that we encourage all sensible people refuse when their fancy kitchen designer recommends one. Children, these things do not look cozy and charming, they look messy. AND they are lethal when swinging around during earthquakes.

The creamy colored glam bathroom is way too glam for Your Mama. But it probably worked well when these womyn had a team of hair gays and make up mavens over to the house to get them dolled up for a run down the red carpet.

The landscaper has unfortunately allowed the lawn in the backyard to get yellow and patchy, and for that he (or she) should be punished severely. But over all, Your Mama digs this backyard. It appears to be private, serene and not overly processed with fussy flowers or one of those obscene swimming pool fantasmagorias with a grotto and a water slide. And we love the old-fashioned charm of the swing, tire swing and knotted rope hanging from the gorgeous trees.

Property records show that Miz Ethridge paid $3,595,000 in September of 2004 for the Saddle Creek Road house which sits on a 3.42 acre parcel not far from the guard gated entrance to the exclusive suburban community which is home to heaps of celebs including but not limited to Ozzy and Sharon Osbourne, Brad Garrett, Shaun Cassidy, Beau Bridges, Lisa Marie Presley, and let’s not forget the troubled and tawdry deevorcee Denise Richards.

Your Mama wishes the lesbian ladees of Hidden Hills much happiness in their new home with their growing brood of loud children. Now Your Mama has to go deal with the loud children visiting us who are currently wreaking havoc on our kitchen and have our long bodied bitches Linda and Beverly all bent out of shape.

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