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Jaime Pressly, Valley Gurl

SELLER: Jaime Pressly
LOCATION: Rosita Street, Tarzana, CA
PRICE: $1,299,000 (reduced from $1,499,000)
SIZE: 2,955 square feet, 3 bedrooms, 3.5 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: Gated, set back w/ utmost privacy on a gentle knoll w/ backdrop of mature trees, lush plantings & flowers. Celebrity Spanish estate recently remodeled throughout. Ebony hdwd & Spanish terra cotta tile flrs, new ceiling fans, chandeliers, custom bamboo window shades, 3 frplcs. Zen-inspired interiors. Granite kitch/FR open to lg. deck overlooking gardens, LR, FD, spacious game room. Romantic master suite w/ sitting area, 2 walk-in closets, luxury ba. w/ spa tub, steam shower. Saline pool & spa, lawns.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: All the celebrity real estate nuts out there have known for a loooong time that Emmy nominated comedic ack-tress Jaime Pressly, who plays a spot on trailer trash bimbet on the television program My Name is Earl, is selling her Tarzana house. Yes, that’s right children, we said Tarzana. Your Mama falls over with faint every time we realize that yet another celebrity lives out in the wilds of suburban Tarzana.

This property was written about back back in early January when the ex-model and new mommy first put listed the property for sale. But it was only this last weekend, while Your Mama recuperated from illness, that we noticed an actual listing with photographs popped up. So while Miz Ruth Ryon at the LA Times and Mister Big Time have already discussed this house in some depth, we thought we’d bring ya’ll a few photos and thoughts on the decor.

However, let’s first go over a couple of discrepancies we have encountered with the previous discussions of this property. Miz Ryon, in her Hot Properties column, mentioned that the house was listed at just UNDER $1,400,000, but the listing has the price at $1,499,000. Also, Mister Big Time accessed public records that give him a square footage of 2,460 for the house, while the records we accessed provide the number 2,955 square feet. Hmm.

Miz Pressly has a knack and a penchant for buying, renovating, and flipping houses in the San Fernando Valley. Records indicated that prior to buying this house in the hills of Tarzana, she bought and sold a house on Dixie Canyon Avenue in Sherman Oaks, then bought a house in Studio City which she sold to Malcom in the Middle actor Justin Berfield. Next she bought, and quickly sold, a house in Encino before purchasing this Spanish style house in Tarzana. We’re not sure if the funny lady is fickle with the real estate or just enjoys the process of buying, decorating, and selling.

Located in the hills of Tarzana, Miz Pressly paid $949,000 for this house in June of 2004. The listing states that the house has been recently remodeled, and we assume all the new work was done by Miz Pressly. The listing also states the interiors have been done up in a “Zen-inspired” style, and certainly they have. We see potted bamboo plants and Buddhist-like wooden statuary in just about every damn room.

We are not digging the two-tone sofas in the living room and wish they had been placed a little closer to each other so that guests would not be forced to shout at each other from such a great distance. Art is subjective, and certainly everyone is entitled to their own taste in paintings and sculpture, but that painting above the fireplace just looks frightening to Your Mama. Note the bamboo and “Zen inspired” statuettes flanking the fireplace.

Jaime hunny, do you always leave your dining room table set for eight guests or did the real estate stager do that? Children please note the glasses on the table. It would appear that if you come to dinner at Miz Pressly’s you will not be given wine with dinner, but rather martinis, or perhaps cosmopolitans. This can only mean she’s trying to get you so drunk you pass out so she can strip you naked and take humiliating photos of you. Note the bamboo and “Zen-inspired” wooden wall hanging.

Into the bedroom we find a humongous bed that is so high we would need a man to stand next to the bed to boost us up and in every night. It pleases us to see a few magazines next to the bed and know that Miz Pressly reads before shutting her eyeballs just the way Your Mama does.

We find the master bathroom to be somehow upsetting to our equilibrium. Could be all the mirrors which enable you to get a too good and long look at every body flaw from every angle. Or could be the too ornate cabinet with all that carving and swirly stuff. Could be the orange tile on the floor. Could be all of it together makes it look like a fancy public restroom.

The backyard swimming pool area looks like a nice place to sunbathe and drink Kool-aid in the scorching San Fernando Valley heat. The thickly planted up slope behind the house guarantees a generous amount of privacy for re-creating a torrid and naughty Nick and Vanessa spa moment without the paps getting a few snaps of the dirty deed.

Your Mama hasn’t a clue where Miz Pressly and her young family are moving, but somehow, we’re quite sure it is somewhere in the Southern hills of the San Fernando Valley. We just hope that now that she’s got a huzband (DJ Eric Cubiche) and a new baby, she’ll stay put for more than a year or two. But given her peripatetic nature, we assume she’ll be on the move again in early 2009.

Sources: LA Times, Big Time Listings, Socialite Life

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